30 Letters

Day 01 (Your best friend)

Dear Kelsey,

Still, I remember the first time we ever spoke to one another: I was well into my disastrous bulimic stages and you were attempting to escape from them. One day, you told me anonymously over Tumblr that how I was, was in fact effecting you in ways that you had never wished for. I simply said sorry and went on my way and that was our first encounter. Who would have imagined that we would have ended up where we are now today?

This afternoon belongs to June 8, 2010 and my fingers are soft as they quietly slip across the keyboard. Have you ever felt like you cannot imagine what to say, because you have everything to say? I think you have. That is how I feel now, in this moment, in this hour. I feel this way always and I think that it is part of the reason that I find the act of journaling so difficult now. There is just so many things to jot down, that I never jot any of them down at all. And oh, how badly I wish that I could, because I know how we would enjoy them so together.

You are my best friend, Kels, you are everything that has kept me sane this past year. I would have never, ever made it out of that hole I was abandoning the world into, if it was not for your persistence and love towards myself. You are an angel, sent from where ever angels do come from. I do not care if you believe, I know it to be true, you are my angel. With your golden locks and snow white skin, I find you more beautiful than any one could ever imagine. Your mind is like my own: bound to pounce upon the world surrounding at any given moment, parading forth of how no matter what age, knowledge comes from within and not without. You are intelligent, thoughtful, beautiful, caring, darling, sincere, and phenomenal. If I could inquire anyone else to be that of my best friend, I would not, because no one in the entire world could honestly fit the positioning as well as you can. The world and yourself will never find the ability to understand just how much you truly mean to me, because that description does not and cannot form itself into words. And believe me, I have tried.

Kelsey, I want you to know that regardless of what happens inside your life's frame beyond this very point, I will always remain at your side, even if it is not physically. I feel so overwhelmed with wishes and desire when subject turns towards yourself, because I thrive to see you clinging to the best of things. And you will have the best of things, because I plan to make sure of such. When your world centers around your so-called "selfish" thirsts, I want you to understand that nothing you ever yearn for is selfish, because it is something that comes from inside your heart and something so pure could never be resembled as narrow-minded in any case necessary. If I ever had one will to concern yourself, it would be that of you chasing after all that you dream of so intensely each night and day, not the actuality that you finally received it. Because I want you to understand that the journey onto the ends of your life's rope is far more beautiful than any moment where gifts are presented. Journeys make you who you are, my love, and what they have made you is someone spectacular in every which way and I never want you to forget that.

But when you do, at least you carry the knowledge as to how I will forever be in your arm's length, waiting to remind you. Because that is what best friends are for and I plan to be your own until the ceasing of time itself. I love you, Kelsey Farr and you are never alone. Not in this world, not in any world, not ever.