Personal Journal

Time, Time, Time. And energy.

I don't have time to be saddened at the state of affairs surrounding me.
I don't have the energy to spare to be angry.

These are diseases against which all I want is some workable form of innoculation that frees my conscience and intellect so I can engage in the work that I HAVE TO DO that might offer some chance of making the affairs surrounding me improve.

Yesterday I went kayaking for the first time in 10 months. I didn't do well, nor poorly. Frankly, I wasn't really engaged by the process, and what I think I took from it is that I don't have the time or energy to move kayaking up on the priority list. School is more important, deservedly and by any accounting analysis. Finishing school. Eleven more months! I do need to get excited about that. Like when I left Germany and the army - the escape is near! (wow, that is somewhat surprisingly uplifting).

I spent 2 hours driving home (the drive down being split into two halves; one before work, one after). A giant waste of my time that I could have dealt with differently and more directly pursued my weight loss goal. I could have driven home, gone for a bike ride, achieved more for my fitness, and saved at a minimum, two goddamn hours.

Okay, lesson learned. Had it been more FUN to kayak, I might feel differently, but the whole reason kayaking is less fun now than it used to be is because:
a) My skill level deteriorated because school occupied more of my time (and that allocation of time also affected the lowering of my overall fitness level)
b) I'm not able to be out there as much as is necessary in the year-round fitness training endeavors that matter in kayaking.

In short: School has eclipsed the rest of my life.

Efficiency is the name of the game. Use your time wisely. Prioritize your goals, and no matter what, school is going to be No. 1.

I'm okay with that.
I worry about staying consistent to that.
But most of my reading for tonight's class is done, and I can probably get the rest done between now and class.
If I shut down this journal entry and get back to my handouts.
Which I guess I will do.

It is never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot
Courage to start and willingness to keep everlasting at it are the requisites for success. -- Alonzo Newton Benn