Down the Rabbit Hole

And back down again

Over the last four days I feel as if my health and my spirit have taken a nose dive. The heat continues to persist which isn't helping my condition or my mood. I'm beyond irritable, tired and impatient. I feel a deepening depression. I hate not having the energy to play with my daughter, cook a decent meal or exercise, just three of the things I really need to be doing on a regular basis. I'm feeling unwomanely, unproductive and discouraged. I finally made an appointment with a homepathic doctor in hopes that I can find some alternative treatments to a condition I am told has no cure and no effective course of treatment. I thought that finally giving a name my illness would make me feel better but being diagnosed has merely given me a path to research, a path that leds me only to deadends. Hidradenitis Suppurative is apparently a form of very sever acne that attacks areas of the body where sweat glands can become infected. It leaves disfiguring scars where painful blisters form, heal and reform. It is genetic and while linked to other diseases like Crohns disease and cysts, the specific causes remain unknown as well as any effective method for prevention. Basically some distant relative must have suffered from this and it tripped along our family bloodline until it found a home in me. As uncomfortable as it can be, judging from the stories I have read and pictures I have seen, I could have it much much worse. Longtime suffers report that it has resulted in horrific scaring and reduced quality of life. My scars can be easily covered by a bandaid and that is not the case for many women and men. Still, it has been difficult these last few days...difficult enough that I have reconsidered my decision to forgo the maintenance antibiotics despite a big and unappealing list of possible side effects. The pill bottle remains sealed inside its pharmacy bag for now.