Just Another Cottage in Blogville

If it makes you happy...

If it makes you happy,
It can't be that bad.
If it makes you happy,
Then why the hell are you so sad?
If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow

In a few minutes I will be unstrapping this Holter monitor and packaging it with a 24-hour diary of symptoms. At last, I will be able to live itch-free and take a shower. Unfortunately one of the monitors came undone either last night while I was sleeping or this morning... either way, at least six hours of data has been lost in one area. I phoned the hospital and the woman said, "We'll see what we can see, but don't be surprised if you get a call from us to come back." Of course I expected this, and maybe I'll be able to schedule the next one on a day I work to see if my heartbeat changes while working. That's what I wanted, anyway.

Last night my best friend stayed over. We had a long heart-to-heart over our McDonald's dinner, relaxing in the humid July air slowly cooling as the sun set. She has changed, which she emphasized, and as a friend I accept it, but it will take getting used to. If she's happy, who am I to say it's wrong? What will come of it will come of it, and it's life. There are so many changes for me ahead, in the really not-so-distant future. Though I do feel some trepidation, I am not afraid.

We began to watch 'Taken', which my server friend - the one marrying MFM - told me I had to see. After a few scenes, I began to feel dizzy, exhausted, my heart racing, hands trembling, head splitting, gasping for breath. I knew I wouldn't be able to enjoy the movie, so I turned it off and drank some water. I turned out the lights and lay for a while, then fell into a restless sleep.

Also yesterday I went and visited my PA at the behavioral health center. We discussed my symptoms, which she doubted was from the bipolar disorder or the medicine - all of my symptoms are physical except the swells of emotion that give me the urge to cry my heart out, which anyone would feel if they had a series of physical issues. The human body is not endlessly durable. However, she did feel the time was ripe for a medicine change if I so wished, and we decreased - finally - the Seroquel XR from 300mg to 200mg. I have a month's supply to try.

I took my first dosage last night. I fell asleep, but was woken frequently by the sound of the dehumidifier and the odd sensation of someone sleeping next to me (aka my friend). For the first time since my medicine mix-up several weeks ago, I woke without the nasty 'hangover' as it has been called. Normally I can wake up and go back to sleep immediately, but I was awake for the first time, and unable to slip away into a dream world again. Though I was tired, I suspect most people feel that way when they first wake up. I have forgotten what unmedicated sleep is like - and unmedicated awakening. I'm not trying to sound dramatic or like I'm trying to gain attention, I just genuinely forget what natural sleep is like.

After my friend left, I cleaned up the basement and walked for a few hours. I ate a small breakfast - I was hit with a wave of nausea - and checked my emails and WDC. Lunchtime came round, and I phoned my workplace to order a chicken sandwich and macaroni & cheese, picked it up, and drove to the mall across the street and ate. I'd forgotten my water bottle at home, so I stopped by a store that sells strawberry lemonade for $1.50 and had a relatively large glass. I saw a few old friends and chatted for a few minutes, then purchased the last two books for my new Harry Potter collection (for my dorm), and skimmed through dresses at a few different stores. There are a few dances coming up at my school, and I am in need of an appropriate dress. While I have lost two of the ten pounds that I'm attempting to shed, my old dresses still squeeze a bit too much.

So far, no symptoms today. In fact, I feel... better. Though it was unlikely that it was my medicine, I was overmedicated. Heck, I might still be, but I will only go down a little at a time, and only when it is approved by the professionals I trust. My PA suggested an inner ear disfunction - which very well could be, as I've had multiple ear surgeries since childhood. Hmm... we'll get to the bottom of this.

Have a good day.