Down the Rabbit Hole

Alice In Chains...

Oddly enough, the blog title fits my darkening mood perfectly as does the music by the band which inspired it. I am disappointed in people, not in some generic, global sort of way but in the way that is hurtful and specific and reserved only for those people with whom I once conspired with, dined with, experienced life with and named among my beloved. Today I am in a place little can reach me. I don't think there is anything more disheartening than to realize how much time and effort you have given people only to learn not a moment, minute or ounce of it ever mattered. Looking back, I can see large, black swatches of time when I rallied for people who are no longer in my life. Today my eyeballs shake in their sockets, my fingers curl and uncurl into fists beneath my desk. I slip off my shoes and grind my heels into the cheap carpeting in anger, in frustration. I know I should eat something, feed my systems, but there is just too much poison rolling around in my gut and hunger is that last thing I fear I will fall prey too. No Good Deed goes Unpunished, it the new mantra running through my head now. I almost laugh thinking back to yesterday when I spent a few moments watching Zombieland on television. How simply would it be if one were to wake up in a world where the line between friend and foe is so clearly defined? In one moment, all the complexities of our relationships would be reduced down to the bare essentials and our choices would be dictated to us by the classic responses of survival. A snarling, incoherent, raging zombie...very clearly, a foe and one you should run from immediately or blow away with your 12 gauge shotgun. Simple, that life in Zombieland. I much prefer the villians that show themselves to be exactly that, right off.