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GPs Up For Grabs! (:D)

There are only five days left before the Final Round of the "Invalid Item"  closes for judging. For those who aren't familiar, it's a fantastic, uber-challenging, speculative ficition-focused contest that began August 30th. Back then, there were 19 competitors. After three elimination rounds, there are three of us left, vying for first, second, and third places.

The final prompt is super creative. We were giving the link to an off-site blog. Based on the unnamed blogger's posts, we are challenged to build a character and write a story. Genre and word count are up to us. This link takes you to the blog in question:

http://feindre.wordpress.com

I'd LOVE to hear feedback on my story. I've read it over so many times during edits that I can no longer determine where problematic sentences lie or whether the voice and pacing are strong. I need your help!

There are over 1600 auto-reward GPs for reviewing this 3292-word story. Plus helpful, quality reviews will be generously awarded additional GPs and review credits. (*WARNING* Dark fiction, Rated 18+ ) Any takers? Great! Here's the story:

~Silenced~  (18+) Sometimes, you have to listen without your ears. Entry: WYRM's Gauntlet,Final Round 2010 #1716387 by NickiD89

Looking forward to hearing what you think!
~ Thank you! ~