C.R.E.A.M.

The Harriet Dinner - Part I

My last post was, rubbish. I was lacking energy, but now I really need to say whats troubling me: 1) so that I can actually see what it is and 2) so I don't keep getting reminders to update this blog.

Concerns about my future after university are now more real than ever. I really want to avoid my hometown and the reality of finding a graduate job, although good, would probably require a serious commute or a complete relocation, which I don't feel comfortable with at all. I hate England for all its 'sameness'. Whenever I travel to another part of it, it all looks the same and it depresses me. The reality of having little or no money, surviving off of no food and making early morning travels to get to a job that doesn't satisfy me seems like a very real possibility. I know the outside world is harsh and I know working is horrible. I really need to nail my CV and covering letters to get in with a chance of getting a job that I can at least semi-enjoy. Its going to be a long, difficult process. But I really need this.

Previously, I was thinking about becoming some kind of academic, which allow me to prolong and maybe even stay at this place for the rest of my life. However, I think I was deluding myself - I'd really need genuine passion for literature and what I am studying to do well. I always felt there would be security in it, and bring me a life of good discounts of Apple products and the opportunity to meet new people all the time. The reality seems to involve more time spent in the library by myself doing something that would damage my energy, because I would have too much of it.

I think I need something, although office based, that requires some creativity, something with print or copy. Something with words, but in a way that doesn't discuss the extent in which Twain's use of satire is used for social criticism...Hmm, that does sound kind of interesting. This is my biggest problem - I simply have no idea what I want. The safest bet right now, is going for a job somewhere that will get my earning more than I am spending, because the reality of it, is that I am quite screwed. I am so terrible with money.

I need to crack on.