The Undiscovered Country

Anything Positive

In my previous entry partyof5 said, " . . . I can also tell you there are a lot of positives that come out of such a thing" with regards to my dad.

At first glance it can be hard to find anything positive to note about a loved one dying of cancer. Heck, it takes more than two. Sometimes one must have a microscope to find even a dust-sized one.

But first, a little more back story:

Four years ago, my mom decided she couldn't spend one more moment in Colorado -- for many reasons which I will not get into here. She neither consulted Tom, nor gave him any warning that she had purchased property and a house up near Dave and I. The reason she gave at the time was to be closer to Dave and I when we finally had the baby we were working toward.

Tom came up with her, but decided he couldn't live here. Being forced did not help any. He tried spending a few months here, a few months in Colorado for about a year, but it didn't work.

They divorced about two years ago now.

Seeing how happy and content my mom is (something I've never seen in my lifetime), I figured it was something God wanted.

Yet, I wondered about Tom. About this time depression hit him hard. He'd come up to visit us and his grandson, and spent much of our conversations in tears. It was strange and a little frightening to see him break down like that.

I prayed to God multiple times, "I know you meant for my mom to be here, but what about taking care of Tom? You aren't going to leave him behind, are you?"

God often assured me that he wouldn't.

How he would accomplish it hit us all broadside.

He allowed the cancer.

I won't say God caused it, but he allowed it. Why? Why bring such suffering to a man who many would say didn't deserve it (myself included)?

Because God knows what it takes to force us to our knees and turn to him.

My dad has been successfully self-reliant for as long as I've known him. Some would say he's even lived a charmed life. Never once has he needed (from his perspective) to lean on anyone.

Cancer takes all of that away. It's something that too often can't be fixed, least of all the person who has it. Tom is now forced to lean on his doctors and his family. He sees that his days are few, and for the first time asked, "What happens afterward?"

He started to ask spiritual questions: Is there a God? Does he love me? Can he love me?

God has graciously shown me a few parts of his plan for Tom. The cancer is but one of them.

To help Tom's spiritual growth, God used a cheap computer Dave and I bought Tom. Through it, Tom signed up at Match.com and found a lovely woman named Nancy. She's a nurse who counsels families on "end-of-life" issues (coincidence? Me thinketh not), but best of all, she's a Christian who longs to see Tom turn to Christ.

She's one blessing to show how God will always give us someone or something to turn to in difficult times. He knows we can't go it alone.

As the cancer progresses, so does Tom's spiritual journey. He goes to church as often as he can, prays with others, studies a paraphrased Bible, and devours every devotional Nancy gives him.

God has answered my prayer that he won't leave Tom behind. He's using the cancer to both accomplish that, and to show the rest of us what he can do. So even if in the end Tom's body succumbs to the disease, he's saved my dad's soul.

But there's more!

When we went to visit him at the end of February, we arrived at our hotel early afternoon. As I was picking up more stuff from the car, I spotted my sister and her husband walking toward me. What I didn't expect to see was an older man following them.

It took me a moment to realize it was Tom walking on his own with no cane and no oxygen. The thrill that came over me is indescribable.

Two weeks ago, they gave him a PET scan to see if the chemo is working. The scan showed no growth of the tumors, and even some shrinkage. His lungs are clear of any clots, and he can now drive on his own, walk his dogs, and even go without oxygen for an hour or two.

His biggest day-to-day hurtle is eating. An unfortunate side effect of pancreatic cancer is food tastes terrible. Tom describes it as "licking a dirty carpet." Most foods smell and even look good to him, but after one bite the taste makes him want to puke. In essence, with pancreatic cancer a person starves to death. Since he's been diagnosed, he's lost about 35 pounds. That's nearly 10 pounds a month.

Still, to see his quality of life go up, his attitude improving, and his spiritual health growing even more, I can only express joy and gratitude to the God who's orchestrating it all.