Running on Empty Contest Entries

ROE 2: Article #1 - Frosted Fuel Flakes

PROMPT: Create a multi-use cereal


FROSTED FUEL FLAKES

Times are tough. A dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to, and in today’s economy it’s hard to earn every dollar. People need value for their money, and there’s no better value than a product that can serve multiple uses. General Foods has created that product for you. Frosted Fuel Flakes is a tasty breakfast cereal which, in addition to being delicious and nutritious, can also be used as an alternative fuel for your vehicle, charcoal barbecue, or wood-burning stove/fireplace.

What makes Frosted Fuel Flakes unique is our special blend of fiber, whole grains, accelerant, and hydrocarbons, all frosted with a sweet coating which is naturally low-calorie, low in sugar, and preservative-free.

Due to its unique formulation, and while first and foremost a delectable breakfast cereal, the flakes themselves can also be soaked briefly in water and compacted into a dense fuel source with twice the energy and three times the duration of a Duraflame fire log or bag of charcoal. Stock up on some boxes of our Frosted Fuel Flakes cereal and you can be well fed, warm and toasty all winter long!

And if that’s not enough of an incentive to stock your pantry with Frosted Fuel Flakes, consider the fact that soaking the cereal in water for a longer period of time, allowing the cereal to break down and dissolve, creates a unique liquid fuel solution that can be poured directly into your gas tank and has even been shown to improve the fuel efficiency of your vehicle of choice, be that a car, boat, motorcycle, riding lawnmower, or other gas-powered mode of transportation!

Some may wonder how anyone could possibly make fuel taste good, or whether it’s healthy to ingest combustible materials. But scientists have proven that everything we put in our bodies is broken down and converted into energy; every day we dissolve complex foods into basic proteins, carbohydrates, fats, and sugars, which are absorbed by the body to give us energy. General Foods has taken this concept to the next level and provided an energy source which not only powers our bodies, but our heating and travel needs as well!*

But just because it’s good for you doesn’t mean it can’t taste great. The sugary coating that makes Frosted Fuel Flakes so delicious comes in three distinct flavors: sCintillatingly Cinnamon, Brazenly Blueberry, and Poignantly Pecan. Development is currently underway to expand our flavor offerings with such proposed flavors as Vivaciously Vanilla, Perplexingly Peach, Maddeningly Mangosteen, and Questionably Quinoa.

With an entire menu of tasty options, and the ability to fulfill multiple energy needs of a consumer, Frosted Fuel Flakes is the way of the future. Instead of a grocery store stocking charcoal, Duraflame logs and breakfast cereal, imagine a shopping experience where you only need one product to provide all these options. Rather than shopping through the aisles for a half dozen smaller items, they can find everything they need in one place. The popularity of this product will surely result in high demand, which will therefore allow General Foods to negotiate special bulk-rate discounts with retailers nationwide. After all, why deal with purchasing many products in smaller quantities when you can order one product in bulk and save?

Frosted Fuel Flakes is the way of the future. It’s a retailer-friendly, smart consumer alternative to existing fuel and breakfast cereal options. And it tastes great too!



*WARNING: Frosted Fuel Flakes is not recommended for fire-swallowers or other professionals that ingest incendiary materials. Such professionals are advised to consult a physician before enjoying Frosted Fuel Flakes.