Hey, life? Are you kidding me?

who done it?

"You have been named as a suspect in a crime that you didn't commit (and had no knowledge that it even occurred). *Shock* It was a burglary and now you're being questioned by the police. Write the interrogation, from a handful of questions you are asked, to the answers you provide. Feel free to implicate other members as possible suspects to clear your name.

"Ma'am, this will go a lot easier on you if you just fess up now."

"Sir, this will go a lot easier on you if you quit talking Law and Order code and spit out what you mean. Fess up? This isn't Mayberry RFD."

"Your continual sarcasm isn't doing you any favors. You know what you did. We've shown you the tape several times. There is no denying it's you."

Chuckling, "You're delusional. You think I'm the only overweight, pasty white, circle under her eyes, hair in a ratty ponytail in this county? Do you have any idea how many single mothers there are that don't have time to go to the gym, find their makeup - much less put it on and have foregone a decent haircut to pay for school supplies? Besides, where the hell would I find time to mastermind what you are acting like is the crime of the century?"

"Your son doesn't remember you being home last Tuesday night. How do you explain that?"

"My son is a sweetheart, but he's 14. He doesn't remember where his shoes are when they are on his feet."

"So where were you?"

"Let's see . . . and this is just a guess mind you. Dropping my son off at school, going to my school to teach, followed by a curriculum meeting, then a PTA meetting, taking my son to tutoring. His memory isn't so good." Clears throat. "Cooking supper while grading papers, trying to remember if I showered that morning, making cupcakes for the bake sale the next day. Helping son with English homework. Calling cable company. They shut it off if you don't pay the bill . . ."

"So you admit you needed the money. Ah- ha!"

"Hell yes, I need money. I need energy and sleep too, but I don't see you questioning me about stealing from an electrical plant or a life supply of Ambien."

"Maybe you've "selective" forgotten your plan of robbing the bank at the mall."

Laughing, "The mall!? You are crazy. I haven't been to the mall since well the internet was invented. The mall? Why would I rob a bank at the freakin' mall? There is your proof. Trust me, if I'd been at the mall at least 40 kids I've taught would remember seeing me there. And it almost hurts me to say this, but I'm lookin' at your pics again here, and I know my ass is wider than that. Why don't you kiss it and get a good look?"

"You are about to be arrested for . . . . police . . . um . . . disrespect."

"You know what I just noticed? "The word 'rest' is in arrested. Sign me up, Barny Fife."


Peace, love, and stay out of the pokey,
audra