Mercy! Mercy! That Dang Nabed PERCY!

Reading In what Isn't There

Reading in What isn’t in an Email

One of the pitfalls to being on the web and dealing with others in cyber space is getting a short or ambiguous message and reading into it things that are not intended. Emoticons help but a short answer in the form of a critique or email in response to a question are easily misinterpreted. This is a function of a lack of clarity on the part of the instructor or writer. Living in two worlds at once and trying to keep two balls juggled at the same time and the basic insecurity that we all have, sometimes leads to thinking that there is some kind of hidden text concealed in the message. Something that the writer won’t come right out and say and chooses instead the subtle approach.

There is so much we take for granted in interpersonal contacts that happen in person or even telephone conversations. It is my theory that words form a weak link between two people and that link is enhanced by body language and almost a spiritual connection that flows over the fragile communication link that is verbally established between two people. We understand how face to face works and we know how the telephone works and both of these provide a flood of information that we just don’t receive on line. As a consequence we do as people have always done…. Fill in the voids with assumptions and rely more on reading into the voids using intuition and supposition we don’t need to in person or on the phone.

In other modes there is body language, sound and eye to eye contact. We simply take for granted the huge amount of information this provides but even on the telephone there is the tone of voice that provides a conduit over which flows a gush of supplemental unspoken meaning. On line all we have is the word thread and we expect that to serve in ways it was never expected to stand alone and do.

It is exceedingly exciting on the one hand to be able to communicate with a diversity of people from around the country and even the world…. It is so easy to craft some ambiguous and quickly crafted message and fire it off into the netherworld and have it appear magically on somebody’s CRT. I talked about the “Dumb Smart” Switch and the problem is further enhanced when you assume that someone understands the “drift” of your words or tongue in cheek comment and then puts an entirely wrong spin on them. Perhaps the person you are talking to has some personal issues and you blunder unknowingly into an area where angles fear to tread. Depending on words alone can get you in trouble in a big hurry.

One of the first rules I made for myself, regarding emails was never send one that you would be uncomfortable seeing posted on the church bulletin board. But there is another one that is almost equally important. Do not write obliquely and in nuance. State things in plain English in a manner that leaves almost not room for misunderstanding for if you don’t… it‘s only a matter of time before you send a message that is totally misconstrued.

Now the classic example of this is two people on the net and one says some things that get misinterpreted by another in an amorous sense. This is an example but what I’m referring to are other categories. For example suppose that an emailer makes some political comments not realizing that the recipient has the opposite political view. Or maybe a religious comment that someone takes as a shot at their core beliefs… Or maybe someone has a deep seated anxiety that gets rubbed the wrong way… Or maybe there is an area of literature the reader refuses to go and the writer makes flip comments about subjects that are strictly off limits. On the telephone or in face to face conversation there is feedback that we simply don’t get on line and writers need to realize this constantly and be on guard for foot in mouth syndrome.

However readers also have a responsibility to not let their imaginations fill in the gaps with interpretations that are way beyond the scope of anything remotely intended. When in doubt confront the other and ask exactly what they mean…. In many instances that clears the air and dispels unwarranted conclusions… It also puts others on notice where the thin ice is.