Federation Against Video Gaming

Crime

When it was announced that in one month, the anti video game laws would go into place, nobody took them seriously; people thought it would be a stupid law that nobody would enforce. The only person who took the law seriously was Steve Jobs, who called up Bill Gates to gloat about how much better Apple would be doing than Microsoft. Ironically, when the law went to place at midnight of that day; 1.5 billion games and consoles were seized overnight, due to the radar that was able to detect any console, even if it was a fast food toy from the 90’s. There was one major protest on Washington Mall, called The Million Gamer March, but during the first week nothing intense happened. There were a just bunch of students getting misdemeanors, but soon there would be a more serious incident.
Even though every teenager in the country hated Dick, he had so much support that he could not be hurt. Women’s rights groups, religious groups, teachers unions, parents groups, gun control groups, and groups of the families of murder victims all supported Dick. He was currently the most popular politician who ever lived. He was the neo McCarthy who managed to use people’s fears to garner power. The president was questioned a lot about his motivation and he settled a reporter on CNN about why he agreed with the Ant Video Game Law interviewed this confusion when he was.
Reporter: Mr. President, why have video games become illegal as opposed to everything else that could cause video games to become illegal? Like that kid who cut up a hooker because of that new rapper, Jack The Rapper.
Jeff: Well that kid was crazy where in video games where you are killing people in the game; it makes you want to kill people in real life.
Reporter: How do you know this won’t be another prohibition?
Jeff: During the period of the Volstead Act, high quality alcohol was being imported from Canada. In American video games, you fly Enola Gay; In Japanese games, you fly bombers over Pearl Harbor so no one wants international video games.
Reporter: But Mr. President, how do you think the teenage population will respond to these new laws?
President: They will find new activities mainly because they didn’t have games when I was growing up and I did fine. I went square dancing, bird watching, and collecting stamps; those are much cooler activities than playing video games.
At Dartmouth, a kid named Kip Jick was using a stealth block so the FAVGs radar couldn’t detect his N64, which he kept in his room and he and his friends would play Mario Kart 64. A kid squealed the students to the FAVG which caused troops to storm the campus arresting Kip; Kip was tried and sentenced to 6 years in prison. This incident caused riots all over the country, conducted by 3 million gamers. Gamer Riots emerged in all over the country in every major city throughout the next month.
The riots made criminals realize that if they could have more stealth technology, they could host rackets in their basements and this was a huge profit for criminals. Game rackets emerged all over the country in people’s basements, which were run by either street gangs or people who would invite classmates over for a thrill. Gangs fought each other over turf for the game basements. Drugs, gambling, and prostitution were no longer the major rackets; now it was video games where all of the money was.
Game basements were places where video game systems were kept and people would go to play video games, the FAVG wasn’t able to detect video games because stealth blockers were used in all of these basements. When gangs wanted the territory of one of these game basements, they would raid them. In order to avoid giving information to other gangs, people all across the country who played in game basements were thoroughly examined because gangs were worried about them being spies who may rat they basements out to the police; anybody who entered and was seen as a potential threat, was lobotomized by the game basements physician.
Game basements weren’t the only rackets that came into place with these new laws. Gangs would have technicians who would program bootlegged video games, which couldn’t be detected on radar, that people could take home with them, but they were always low quality games. The laws still allowed educational video games, so what many companies would do was make educational video games and program hidden arcade games inside of those games; the one problem was that once they were caught, they would go out of business. Many people traveled to Tijuana to play video games; there were still arcades in other countries, but it wasn’t worth the travel because since video games became illegal in America, quality decreased worldwide.
Dick was interviewed on Fox News about why he only believed that video games caused trouble, where he made a speech.
I know some people claim that they love video games, but the problem is people are obsessed. What happened to those days where kids use to play in the streets, they are gone. Look at the high obesity rate in this country; I believe that it would drop drastically if kids were playing baseball instead of video games. What about all of the kids who commit murder that come from abusive homes, impoverished backgrounds, have mental disorders, and lack of nourishment, also play violent video games. Look at how amazing I am. I am as much of a gamer and Hugh Hefner is a feminist. I was Valedictorian, I went to that prestigious school in New England followed by Harvard, I was captain of Harvard’s football team, I am also 27 and am already a senator. I believe that if people spent less time playing video games, they could be as awesome as me and not like the people I use to beat up everyday in high school. NO GROWN MAN OTHER THAN MAYBE BILLY MADISON WOULD SPEND HIS FRIDAY NIGHTS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND WE NEED TO PREPARE STUDENTS FOR THE WORLD.