Eve of the Gods--NaNo 2011-12 Prep

October 20: Background Story Dos

My favorite myth of Hermes is the myth of his birth. Hermes was born in a cave to Maia, who lived in said cave to in order to hide from Hera, who tended (as one would expect) to have a hissy fit upon learning of yet another of Zeus' indiscretions. His father, as you might have guessed, was Zeus. Now, little Hermes was already quintessentially himself, and he stole forth from the cave at but a day old and searched for adventure. First he came upon a turtle and, deciding "What the hey, let's invent something!" he took the turtle, some reeds, ox hide, and sheep innards and put them together to form the first lyre. Then he turned to composing, singing of Zeus' and his mother's greatness. All of this was, of course, by noon. At sundown, he came across his brother's cows (this brother being Apollo) and decided "what the hell, I'll take these?" and took about half of them. He covered his feet with leaves and led them backwards out of the clearing so that Apollo would not know how they'd left. He slaughtered a couple to honor the gods (including himself as the 12th great god as he did so). Then, upon leading the cows back to the cave, he settled himself back into his crib and pretended to sleep. Maia was not convinced, being the astute nymph that she was, but Hermes (being all of a day old) convinced her that he was to be the Prince of Thieves (Ali Babwa? Is that you?) and would one day be a great god.

Now, as one might guess, Apollo was less-than-thrilled to find that his cows were missing. So he spoke to an old man who'd seen a baby stealing the cows and then tracked the backwards cattle tracks back to Hermes' cave. Upon being confronted, Hermes said something along the lines of "WTF, I didn't take no cows, I'm one day old, foolz" and pretending to go back to sleep. Apollo, however, was not fooled and forced Hermes to come up to Olympus for judgment. Apollo spoke truth and Hermes outrageous lies, but Zeus liked Hermes for the lulz (you can see I am taking this particular venture very seriously) and, laughing, ordered Hermes to take Apollo back to his cows. Hermes did so and Apollo was reunited with his cattle, and the two brothers were reconciled. Hermes played upon his lyre and Apollo was so taken with it that he traded it for all 50 of the cattle Hermes had stolen. Apollo also gave Hermes the caduceus (golden wand thingy, yeah?) as a gift, as Hermes would be a guide among the gods, and invited both Hermes and Maia to come live on Olympus.

All of this was within two days of birth. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the best new-born myth ever!