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College, Part 2

College was hard for me. As the first person in my family to go to continue my education past the high school level, I had no idea what to expect. I remember hearing in high school from students visiting after they graduated, “You’ll do more work in the first week of college than you did in your entire high school career,” and I remember that being pretty true. I had this nagging feeling the whole time I was in college – a feeling that I didn’t belong there. I never felt like I was good enough or smart enough, and it always seemed like my classmates had an easier time grasping everything. I learned, eventually, that students from a working class background (who are often the first in their family to go to college) often feel this way. Being an introvert didn’t help, either.

It’s not that I can’t speak up, but it’s difficult for me often. I need to feel comfortable in a situation to speak out. I had one professor who, while taking attendance, would ask me every day in class, “Are you going to talk today?” That did not encourage me to talk. It made me feel worse and more uncomfortable. Still, I got an A in the class because I do very well with essay exams. It just seemed to take me longer to grasp the material. I couldn’t read an assignment and have an immediate opinion on it. I had to think about it for a while and possibly hear other opinions before I could form my own. Eventually, I also learned that if you recite back on an exam what the professor lectured on, you’d get an A. I learned never to argue against a professor’s opinion, and that’s how I got through college with a 3.32 GPA.

I was thrilled when I graduated from college, happy that it was finally over. All the stress and hard work paid off, right? I didn’t have to worry about classes anymore. Every start of a semester, I promised myself I would be more outgoing in class, that I’d raise my hand and offer my thoughts. Each semester I failed. I was an introvert trying to fit into a world of extroverts and although I thought that would end with college, it hasn’t.

Graduating college also coincided with the end of my job at the movie theater. My husband and I were planning on leaving at graduation, but we ended up leaving a little bit earlier. It worked out so that we had time to study for finals without having to worry about going to work at the same time, but it left us a little behind financially. There’s no way we would have made it through college without relying on credit cards, and that’s something we’d be struggling with for years.

Regardless, I did find a job soon after graduating college – at a temporary employment placement agency. It seemed like a great fit, as I got to try out different jobs to see what I’d like to do. The agency seemed impressed with my resume and credentials (I went to a reputable school, which honestly doesn’t reflect on my education or skills in any way, but it’s still good to say, “I went to Temple.”), and I was placed in my first assignment immediately.