working title

Journal, November 3, 2011 7am

When you’re unemployed, things are simply more dramatic – the highs are higher (you celebrate a phone call or email) and the lows are lower )no call can send you into a depression). When bad things happen, they’re absolutely terrible.

This morning, my laptop crashed. There goes half of my job searching capabilities, no, more than half, almost all. At least I have my resumes saved on a flash drive, but did I have any copies printed? How am I going to be able to afford to get the laptop fixed if I can’t fix it myself?

I just emailed this manuscript to myself last night, so I have that. How will I add books to my kindle without my laptop? How will I charge my kindle? I can’t email Professor A and B from last week to thank them for meeting with me. I’m lost without my laptop. This is just about the worst time for this to happen.

Come to think of it, my laptop crashed the last time I was unemployed, too. That’s an odd coincidence. It wasn’t even acting funny, either. I just hate things like this, things happening that I can’t control. It’s why I have such a problem with being unemployed. I want, no NEED, stability in my life. Sure, I like adventures, things that are new and exciting, but I need something to rely on, too, and I don’t feel like I’ve ever had that for some reason.

I don’t deal well with sudden unexpected change. My whole life has changed this morning. As I was driving my husband to work, this morning, I thought, “I just want to go home and drink some coffee and sit with my laptop.” That’s how I start my day, every single day. And now, instead, I’m trying to restore my laptop, and I’m writing something I normally wait until I’m fully caffeinated and awake to do. So if what I’m writing doesn’t make any sense, you’ll know why.