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Journal, November 8, 2011 7pm

I’ve calmed down. This is what being unemployed does to me – I freak out over the smallest of things. I got my laptop working again. For some reason, Windows is taking forever to load. It gives me a black screen with the arrow cursor for about ten minutes before the computer desktop actually comes up. Being unemployed, for me, is like living within a heightened sense of stress all the time. Any little thing can send me tail-spinning into freak-out land.

Right after the computer came on, I went for a run. It’s about the only stress-relief I have that doesn’t cause huge amounts of guilt. I can watch tv or play games or read, but all the while, I’m usually thinking, “I should be doing (fill in the blank) instead of this!” I have guilt over taking time for myself, except when it comes to exercising. That’s my “me time,” that I get to work on myself, and it really centers me. I went to a local state park and ran four miles, then completed it with some stretching and simple yoga on the beach. (With the 50 degree weather, I had the beach to myself, thankfully. Otherwise, I doubt I’d be doing yoga in public.) It felt great to get away from the stress for a bit.

I was able to come home then, relaxed and able to think a little clearer about the situation. I didn’t need to freak out like I did, but that’s what I tend to do in situations like that. It starts to feel like every hardship is a major catastrophe. I need to step away from my life every so often to get some perspective. Yes, I’m unemployed and that stinks, but there is a bright side, and there are great things going on in my life. My situation could be a lot worse.