Lani's Blog

Clarity

** Image ID #1638925 Unavailable **

"Sorry Jesus, I didn’t make it to Bethlehem for your birthday.  These sand storms have been awful and this camel you sent has been useless."





"There are no sand storms and I didn’t send a camel."





"Well there’s no storm now but every time I get on the road one seems to surround me and what do you mean You didn’t send the camel. It’s carrying my stuff."





My objections were met with silence.





"Okay Lord, watch what happens when I get on the road."





I grabbed the reins of the camel to try and lead him on to the road. As I walked, a small cloud of sand started to rise and swirl around me.  The sand irritated the camel and he began to snort loudly and stomp his giant feet. After struggling for a few miles, I grew weary and stopped.





"Lord, did You see that storm? And what am I going to do with this camel?"





"There are no storms and I didn’t send the camel."





*Sigh*" Okay, Lord I need a little hint. What’s going on here?"





"Leave the camel and go back on to the road.".





"What about my stuff?"





This time my question was met with a stony silence so I slowly made my way back onto the road that led to Bethlehem. I started walking and I saw the familiar swirls start to race up my legs.





"See Lord it’s starting again."





"Look, Child at your feet."





As I walked, dirt and dust from the road kicked up and mixed with sand forming the swirls that became the storms that surrounded me. Dumbfounded to see that I was creating my own storm, I looked closer at the sand. It was composed of work and worry, holiday concerns, family issues and finances. The cares of this world were blocking my vision and keeping me immobilized. Oh crap.





“I’m sorry. I’ve been the “big sister,” again. I want to do everything myself. I haven’t been “casting my cares upon You.” Pride, I can’t seem to get around it or beyond it. I’m so sorry Lord."





"Why don’t you see what is packed on that camel."





"If You didn’t send it, does that mean the enemy sent it?"





"Not this time."





So with some trepidation, I moved toward to the camel. I looked into the first bag and it was filled with Pride. Surprised but not really shocked, I moved onto the next bag. It was filled with Vanity. A smaller bag turned out to be Narcissism. This made me uncomfortable as God and I are just starting to deal with this issue. The last bag was tiny and hidden under the others. I opened it and my heart stopped. It was filled with something so painful that I barely recognized to myself as it's truth. I felt tears welling as shame burned my heart and my eyes. And how I wished that Jesus wasn’t looking over my shoulder just now.





"Child, I cannot forgive what you do not acknowledge. Look at it squarely and let it go. You do not have to drag your sins along with you. That’s why I went to the cross. You are a new creation.  You are a butterfly. Dry your wings and fly."

** Image ID #1831170 Unavailable **

Lani