♥"JJ"♥

Ann Patterson

THE PRECIOUS FACE

Suicide is one of humankind's greatest tragedies. It is also one of our greatest secrets, a secret of the mind. It has power, almost too much power. For me, there is one face, one very special face, that fills my mind and pushes suicide's power away. Then I find peace again and regain emotional and physical strength.

It is a secret of my mind far more often than I would want anyone to know. That secret was in my mind when I was just 8 years of age, hiding under the bed begging to die. It was in my mind just days ago at the age of seventy. It is always a great relief when the secret leaves my mind, especially when there's difficulty for me to make it go away. I never want the power of it to destroy me.

Research of today has proven that depression, a physical medical illness, is not just day to day emotional ups and downs, but it is a serious illness that requires medical care. When appropriate medication is provided to the patient along with professional counseling, the patient can recuperate. In all of my studies about depression plus my thirty years of medical treatment, I have not learned that there is a cure nor have I experienced complete recovery. With medical care, the depression is held at bay until a major life event occurs.

For me, one event was the death of my mother at a time when dishonesty of another family member had caused her to blame me for theft of treasured photographs. Months earlier, my sister-in-law had stolen them and then led Mom to be angry and unlovingly blaming me. The blast of depression that overwhelmed me on Mom's funeral day was so debilitating that it took more than a month just to recover from the physical weakness caused by it.

Depression was rampant in my father's family and perhaps in the generation before him. Their father, the source of the trauma in their home, killed himself when I was ten years old after years of abusing his family. I have no doubt that there is an element of familial depression illness that found its place in me at times, in spite of my spiritual beliefs in God, my intellectual level and my levels of higher education.

I have three grown children and seven grandchildren. They are the faces that come to me when I have a depressive episode. When my youngest daughter was four years of age, I realized the power of her face coming into my mind. It was at one of my worst moments. I was allowing the power of suicidal thoughts to overwhelm me in my distress; then suddenly, her face with her smile and laughter was there in my mind. It caused me to feel something positive oozing up within me that gave me a determination to live life. Gradually with an unusual power, I was able to overcome the power of suicide that time.

Since that day over thirty years ago, whenever the depression overwhelms me and I fight it, at some moment in that fight, her precious face appears. Now, her baby girl's face is there too. Sometimes I begin to call their names just so I can keep their loving faces within my focus. And then, that power of suicide fades. I usually sleep, and then I awaken knowing that living is most important.

Additionally, after such depressive episodes, I schedule a visit to my phychiatrist just in case a medication change is needed to eliminate or lengthen the time before another episode. And, I give prayers of thanksgiving that those precious faces give me life.

The power to live is stronger than the power of suicide. Thank God.





This story was written by Ann Patterson, and i take absolutely no credit for this. Thank you Ann for sharing this with JJ; I know she'll love it