La Bene Vita

Competitive

In high school, I had a boyfriend who used to make me raise my right hand and repeat after him:

"I am competitive."

It's sad, really. I'm generally a nice person, and I try to do the right thing, but I've always measured my successes against competitors' failures. I suppose that's good for a capitalist entrepreneur. It's bad for an aspiring author, though. Because it's the reason I stopped competing. I got tired of not winning.

We need more competitions like the Prep (preparatory NaNoWriMo challenge I run in October.) First, because I created it, so it must be good. </arrogance> Second, because I need tests of endurance and dedication to keep me in the game. Third, at least if I'm writing, I can still get reviews with helpful feedback. "You win" vs. "you didn't win" doesn't tell me anything about the marketability of my writing.

I'm interested in marketability at the moment. I don't believe in the "write for yourself" dribble that heartbroken twenty-time publishing-house rejectees swear by. I do agree with the recent trend toward self-publishing, but that doesn't mean I'm going to write whatever junk comes out of my head and try to sell it. I'm a businesswoman long before I'm an artist of any kind, which means I care about the sale, and I want to know what resonates with audiences rather than what feels good to get out of my heart and onto a piece of paper.

Maybe I should be an agent.

On the business side: MTMS   student count = 244.5 versus a target of... oh, about 290.

Maybe I shouldn't be an agent.