On My Happy Cloud

Well I WAS in a Good Mood

It’s lame when you feel like you have to make effort to NOT be nice…

I do get tired of being friendly. Where does that even get me? Yes, I feel good when I’m nice and friendly and that should be all that matters. And for the most part, really it does matter.

When you’re out shopping and you hold the door open for someone and they seem surprised or if you smile at someone or yield to them with your grocery cart but they don’t smile back or show any form of appreciation. What does that matter? It doesn’t. I know I’m a nice person so I can walk away from them knowing I’m nice and that I’ll never see them again anyway.

But at work it’s different. If you’re nice in a company, you get walked on. I feel like I get targeted to be made a joke of. EVERY where I have ever worked has been like this. Oh, it’s just SO hilarious that I’m clumsy and forgetful. Let’s make a huge joke out of it, I don’t have feelings so what does it matter?

And every time this happens, I think; “In my next job, I’ll be a hard ass and no one will make fun of me. I’ll start over.” But…I never do. I smile and I try to make conversation back. But there’s always at least one or two people who make me wish I was as much of an asshole as they are. Put on a hard exterior and never get hurt. It’s unfortunate that that’s how things go.

Today our maintenance guy offended me. I’m embarrassed to write about it but I want to anyway.

Ever since my group moved from downstairs to upstairs we’ve had to put in work orders for them to come up and fix things or put things together. I ordered 2 rolling carts so that me and the folk downstairs didn’t have to share anymore and so we had rolling carts for up here (and really because my desk space is laughable for the type of work I have to do) Unfortunately, they didn’t arrive at the same time. Actually, we put in FOUR separate work orders for FOUR separate carts. 2 of those were requested by me. So four separate occasions, maintenance had to come up to put them together.

Then it was suggested I put in an order for a table next to my desk. So, I did. And I really do feel bad that we have put in so many work orders. I shouldn’t say “we” there are two people responsible for the many things we’ve requested. Light fixtures, sharp things on the desk, marker boards and cork boards to be hung up, pictures to be hung up, air conditioning to be adjusted…..and I feel bad that they’ve been asked so many times to do so many things….

And this maintenance gets called in to put up….a picture….and I feel bad. And he makes a joke to the two women mostly responsible for why he’s here all the time;

He says in a sarcastic tone: “Maybe I’ll come put together another rolling cart.” They all laugh. “I can say that, she’s got her headphones in.”

Oh, I realize. He’s talking about me. I call him out on it and he puts his hands up and brushes it off as a joke. If it was a joke I was A PART of and not the BUTT of, then why mention that you’re aware I have my headphones on and can’t hear you? Me? REAAAALLY? You’re putting up an ugly picture of a flower for someone and I’m the actual nuisance…

It would be different if they were paying you to do this and you weren’t forced to do it against your will….oh?...what’s that now? You ARE paid to do EXACTLY that? Pardon me, you freaking douche bag. See if I give a crap about how much you have to work. Now I can’t wait to put in multiple work orders. And I hope you know they’re all from me. You want to think I’m a nuisance, fine I’ll be one.

That goes for all of you. We aren’t friendly around here and have no sense of humor? Great, I’ll stop laughing at your lame attempt at what you think are jokes and smiling just to be polite.

Maybe then I won’t be so exhausted when I get home because of how fake I am at work.

Elaine Bradley