Shellyville Continues

Hot mess?

Hello my sunny pals,

Would you ever expect a kid to get burned out on fun? Jackson has no interest in going to the beach today. In fact he wants to stay inside and hide. I think I understand it but I am also confused by it.

I mean it's summer. You are supposed to be outside. Melting in the sun and being hot. Apartment living is very different then owning a home. With a house I could putz around the yard and play in a sprinkler. Here I feel confined to my balcony. I did put some chairs out on the front porch, so I can sit out there and watch traffic. However, it is not the same as a yard.

I have to let Bello out this afternoon so I will hang out in Brian's yard.

I have to say this about Brian. I am so lucky! He honestly is a decent man and has really stepped up his parenting. I look at him and he is so happy and working so hard to have a great life. I am so proud of him. I love seeing him happy and I know he could have done all this when I was married to him but I realize I had a lot to do with his unhappiness. I see that and I own it.

I also have learned a great deal by being divorced and taking care of myself and my personal needs. I wonder why being married can make you give up on yourself? I put everything before me and what I personally needed that I got confused and lost myself.

Being lost is not healthy. I went insane with fantasy and dreams and made-up romance. I know now what I need to be doing for myself. I don't think I will ever lose sight of that again.

Last night I had to ground Jackson from his computer because he got very angry and ugly yesterday. When he was finally settled down we played some cards and he asked me to read him some of my poetry. It was one of those sweet moments that I won't soon forget. I have a lot of poems about Jackson and love. He let me read to him about 10. It was fun trying to pick the ones I thought he could relate too.

Just having my son interested in my poetry is amazing to me. It speaks volumes about his love and understanding of who I am. Yes, I do take it personally. I feel loved and that is all I ever wanted.

Love,
Michelle