On My Happy Cloud

My Grandma

I had a sudden feeling of missing my Grandmother today. It's been 11 years since she passed away. Amazing how it still seems like I can just go to her house for a visit.

Visits there are still vivid in my memories. I know how the house smells still. The paint that was flaking off on the walls and the giant crack that ran across her high living room ceiling. I would open the screen door and knock on the wooden door and see through the windows her slipper covered feet propped up in her recliner snap down quickly in eagerness. She always wore slacks of some color..gray, turquoise, red. She dressed like an old lady but was fashionable at the same time. I always thought she could be one of the Golden Girls.

She had a unique voice. Kind of high pitched, always full of excitement. Her face was always glowing and she grinned from ear to ear when she saw me or my sisters. Her washer and dryer were in the tiny dining room a top which she kept a loaded cookie jar for guests (Me and my sisters mostly as we were her youngest and last grandchildren,)

Sometimes she'd sit at the table with us. Elbows resting on the surface and a cigarette in hand much like ladies in movies from the 30's would hold them, graceful and dainty. We'd ask her questions and she'd get lost in her answers as if reliving the moment. She'd start her sentence and trail off and it would be like an eternity before she spoke again.

She always had the sweetest, instant ice tea made. We'd toss a few thick ice cubes in her pastel colored, tin cups and usually drink it up fast before taking time on our next glass.

My Grandma was funny. And she could surprise you with the things she'd say. I see that my dad has to get his sense of humor from her.

I wish so much, more than anything that I could just walk in her house again and visit. Sit on her tan couch in front of the fire place made of jade colored bricks and enjoy some tea while talking to her. To smell her, and her house and the mixture of Doves' Pink Rosa soap, Closer Red Gel toothpaste and Este Lauder scented body powder.

I have no idea what I'd say. But I know I'd probably ask a lot of questions. A lot. Things I wish I had time to ask her.

Thinking of her this way helps me forget how I last remember her. As a sick woman dying of pancreatic cancer.

I don't believe in Angels but I believe somehow, somewhere she's still with me. Always. Always there. I just wish I could talk to her.

"Never thought this day would come so soon. We had no time to say goodbye. How can the world just carry on? I feel so lost when you're not at my side. There is nothing but silence now, around the one's I loved. Is this our farewell? Sleep darling, you worry too much. My child, I see sadness in your eyes. You are not alone in life, although you might think that you are. So sorry your world is tumbling down. I will watch you through these nights. Rest your head and go to sleep because my child this is not our farewell. This is not...our farewell." ~Within Temptation (Our Farewell)

Elaine Bradley


Elaine Bradley