Shellyville Continues

shallow

Hello my sunny pals,

I am hoping someone has the sunshine because I sure don't. In fact what I have today is a bad case of self-pity and some pretty ugly love issues.

I couldn't be more wrong about love. I am finding out just how shallow and conditioned I am. I am finding out that what I think is love is nothing more than smoke and mirrors.

I am a fake. I am not of real stock. I don't think I even know what real love is anymore. I was so hurt by his rejection that I went looking for a lover and found a million men to play the game with me.

maybe a few of the men were real but most were not.

I am not ready for real. I am not ready for dirty or messy. I am not ready for unconditional. I am not ready to lower my society standards. I am not ready to have you like me more than I like you. I want to be knocked off my feet. I never will be because I can't find my feet.

If I never stand up for what I want, I will keep getting knocked down.

maybe I should just stay down...

Love,
Michelle