Shellyville Continues

Make it go away!

Hello my sunny pals,

Have you ever been in an emotional rut? I am beginning to think I might be in one.

In fact after reading Bill's email today I know I am. I am in awe of the life around me and how my heart continues to keep breaking.

Bill and I have been friends for 5 years. I have never met him in person we have been email buddies. He is the guy I would write when I was upset and I was the girl he would write when he was lonely.

For some strange reason we connected and our friendship was unique and wonderful. We both filled a void we couldn't find in the real world. Until last night when he told me he is "in Love"!!

Now part of me is over the moon happy for him. He needs to be in love. He needs to have someone to touch and hold. I am glad he is happy but also so very sad for myself. How strange that I would be jealous but I am. I am because I feel like I am losing my best friend.
I need to lose him. I need to let go and say goodbye.

I have never been in this place before. I have never had so many goodbyes and painful moments. I really took stock of my life this weekend and felt every pain. I still have a bunch more to let go. I have to feel everything so I can heal.

I am not ready to forgive myself yet but someday I will. I am not going to go looking for anything anymore. I am not going to be anything but broken for a while and then one day this pain will lift and I will be ready for love.

Love,
Michelle