Enga mellom fjella

Traditional Family Values —

Tradition

My roots are a Swedish mix but I grew up in a German, German-Irish neighborhood with a sprinkling of Polish and Italian.

We were served knockwurst and sauerkraut, Limburger cheese, parsleyed potatoes... My dad would come home with a cherry-cheese-kuchen. It's what I knew.

The place was divided between Catholics and Lutherans. Other folks were ignored.

We got our early on Wednesdays to go to religious instruction at the local churches.

Our traditions were lighted Christmas trees and dress-up door-to-door Halloween.

Everyone was supposed to be Irish on March 17th. I wore orange as often as I could.

Family

My folks were married for 48 years until my dad passed. They were very close and mostly happy. I didn't know much about other families. I don't remember anyone being divorced.

Other types of families either didn't live near us or weren't talked about. In the 50s and 60s it was all about secrets or denial.

My extended family did not live close.

My mother made sure no one visited us. The Un-Welcome sign was posted in ways I didn't quite understand as a child. But I knew no one was to enter our space. And few rarely dared.

I was rarely invited to other people's homes. I was terrified. I had no clue what to say or do.

So families looked all the same to me ...until I went to college.

Values

My list of 5 would be short. "Keep your mouth shut outside of the house" was rule 1 through 5.

My mother ruled the roost. She should've been a banker. She knew how to squeeze the coins. She did not believe in going into debt. Her family had lost everything in the Depression... We recycled what we could re-use. I found abandoned plants for my garden.

She was also proud. No second hand clothes for us. She made sure we knew we were no less, if not better, than the others.

My parents had both grown up around people of various backgrounds and color. Odd that they would choose a place that was lily-ass-white. They taught us to respect other people, but there was no one around to show that respect to. We were classist I'm sure. Our neighbors were racist.

Both my parents believed in education. We were blessed to go to a fairly good school at the time that we did. Lots of music, lots of languages, lots of art, a great summer school, lots of sports, lots of everything not usually found in a blue-collar neighborhood.

Good grades and not causing trouble were prized values. Guilt was spooned out generously. Not bringing any shame upon ourselves was key.

And yet I'm sure we all did ...maybe not my younger sister. She was bolder and less restricted than Shelley and I were. We-two bore the pain.

ME:

I would say I grew up in a fairly traditional neighborhood at a time when many traditions were not questioned. At the same time my family was typical (not the ideal, but close enough). My family did have some decent values they tried to instill.

Yet all that diversity my parents valued weren't around us. Different families were not in the spotlight. Traditions were kept because they were there... Many things weren't questioned.

And they still aren't by my cohort, now aged 60. Many still live in Catholic White neighborhoods with their family and friends from the exact same background. I'm sure a few have branched out...

Since college I've shed most of the traditions; although, I've kept in touch with my family ...at a distance. My values have evolved.

To meet me today? Some would be fairly shocked by me. Others would just knowingly smile. Not everyone was as sheltered as I was.

Plus... I have had a lifetime to become ME!

...

I was inspired by Kathy Baldack who wrote a LGBTIQ article with a political bent with this title. Here's the link:

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2012/08/traditional-family-values-which-traditions-wh...

She sums it up:

"It appears that Jesus Kingdom Values may require us to treat a homeless, gay, African, Muslim immigrant and father of two children with just as much kindness and respect as we would our own family. Whoa! That topples the “traditional family values” paradigm."

33.723