Shellyville Continues

Security!

Hello Louise,

I finally figured out what I have been freaking out about. Security. I want it and need it. I need to feel safe from harm and risks. I need to feel protected from myself.

I want freedom from being scared. From having high anxiety and worry.

I am looking for someone to protect me. I wish this wasn't true. I wish I could feel secure on my own. I do in so many ways. I have my career and my bills all under control. I have my safe house and my loving friends and family.

I have adventures and new goals.

What I don't have is the security of my father or a husband. I don't have that one man that kept me grounded. I have never been on my own. I went from my dad's house to Brian's. I never lived alone.

I love living alone. I love my freedom and I love my time that I have when the kids are not here. I am also a freaking basket case this week because the kids are on vacation and have not talked to me. Even when my kids are not here with me they are close by and they communicate with me. I can see them when I want and can.

Not having them around this week has really reminded me how lonely life can be. I need my kids. They are the security that I am not crazy. I need to know that I am connected to something bigger and greater than myself.

Maybe someday I will meet a man that will bring me more security but until then I have to find it in myself. I have to believe in my choices. I have to believe that I am safe from harm and risks. I am taking care of my needs. I am in charge of what happens in my life. I have everything I will ever need to feel secure inside.

Love,
Michelle