Shellyville Continues

Moods

Hello my sunny pals,

I live with many moods but the one that scares me the most is anger. I grew up with a family that was very explosive. I was often afraid that I would get hurt. I couldn't escape the danger.

Now I see my sweet and loving daughter feeling the same way.

I have no words of comfort for her. I am not always here to protect her. I was gone for 15 minutes to pick up a movie for her and her girl friend and Jackson went crazy. He was angry that she had a friend over. He was angry that I wasn't home. He was angry that he has two houses.

I missed the entire explosion but when Savanna called me I rushed home to find my house almost destroyed. Things knocked over and two sweet little girls scared and crying. It was a horrible scene and Jackson was screaming at me. For my own protection I grabbed a wooden spoon. I was in fight mode but something washed over me and I sat down to talk to Jackson.

I think it was if all the fight left my body and I was just sad. So sad to see my son in such a horrible mental spot. He did calm down and we talked. He told me this was the first time he felt scared of himself. He was worried that he could have really hurt the girls. He cried. He told me he hates being bipolar. He told me he hates that he can't control his moods. He hates being angry.

I hate that as much as I want to change this I feel helpless. I have to find some way to help us all!!

Love
Michelle