Enga mellom fjella

Memories and overwhelm.

me:

I started writing about my life from ten years ago over in my old blog "L'aura del campo". I'm sure I've shared snippets before. But maybe it will get some stuff out of my mind.

I was not to the manor born.

I was not properly trained nor exposed to life.

I've always been a bit withdrawn and avoidant.

Must sound odd to some folks ...I seem very out-going ...and I am ...until I'm not. Today I'm definitely not.

I planted a few cuttings and it sprinkled. I've swept and mopped under the refrigerator. I've set aside more items to take back. I'm not taking much. Even my clothes for the voyage are hung on a hook just waiting for me to put them on.

I pondering whether I should just put the rest of my stuff in a box and move out. It would save $500.

Saves money but creates issues upon my return.

I plan to be in Costa Rica November through May (with a two week break in the middle).

And it's nice having a place to call home...

Growing up I had my south-west corner of a shared bedroom. From age 3 till 18. I liked corners and closets. I didn't like edges, ledges or being exposed. Still fearful.

I was not to the manor born. So, I'm ill-at-ease with people who have money. And I never really learned how money functioned. If I'd learned to hire people to help me with what I couldn't do myself ...my story might have been different. I need to learn this lesson... soon...

I was not properly trained nor exposed to life. Going to college, going to Kansas, going to Costa Rica when I was young, traveling in Peru, living in a small town in Kansas and then in Nebraska... all things out of my comfort zone. I had expanded my comfort zone by age 25. Then I regressed. But still, in this respect I'm better off today than when I was young.

I've always been a bit withdrawn and avoidant. I get out when I don't want to. I pay bills and keep track of things even when depressed. I need to keep things simple. But, I still avoid. I'm avoiding today...

A bit overwhelmed. Now I need to finish mopping... and go to town.

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