Snow Melt

My World Turned Upside Down

When my mother received the diagnose of Alzheimer’s disease

My world turned upside down that day,
transformed into chaotic terror,
when age and illness
reversed our rolls.

I took on roll of parent
and my mother became the daughter;
I watch her
as she forgets
her parents’ funerals,
giving birth to me:
Does she remember my siblings?
Does she remember her grandchildren?
Does she remember her great grandchildren?

Equilibrium,
unlike Mom’s memory,
slowly returns.

When I wrote that poem earlier today, I thought equilibrium was retuning. I thought a new normal was beginning to stabilize in my life. This afternoon, I am not so sure. I do not know what changed my mind, but right now I feel as if there is no equilibrium; however, it could be that a three day weekend with Mom is more stressful then I thought.

It could be that when I put the Gate belt back on Mom after getting her ready for bed I for got how to fasten it; at least, I think I did because it did not seem to fasten as easily this afternoon as it did this morning. I need the belt around Mom because it is easier to transfer her from the bed to the wheelchair and from the wheelchair to the toilet and visa versa.

I got her transferred safely back to the wheelchair after getting her ready for bed. I got her transferred safely from the wheelchair to the bed, so the belt was secure. It could be that I am just tired. Perhaps I need to fix me something to eat or pour myself a large cold glass of apple juice.