Shadow Puppet Storyteller

Just How Far South?

I saw a therapist today, and it took a couple days of courage beforehand to figure out how I wanted to use our time together. When you have that moment that tells you to get some help -- the need is fairly clear. On the other hand, knowing what to say when the therapist asks you to describe what has brought you, that takes introspection and some planning ahead. Or at least it did for me, so I did not feel I was wasting time.

I would've fallen into being shy, uncertain and deferential if I had not jotted down some key ideas that were behind my "giving in to counseling." It felt like I was talking nearly non-stop for my hour. The strongest realization was my seeing how my anxiety no longer has a recognizable modulation; in other words, not feeling at all under my control. The last two or three reactions I have had have hit hard, not tentative or forsee-able, or that I could easily ramp down from. I have no regrets for agreeing to try medication.

My goal all around is to regain a balance of emotion. I cannot continuously distance myself from the emotion of all the concurrent situations going on in my life right now. My family needs me to be present emotionally, not just practically.

Just how far South have I slipped? That seemed to be my question theme.