Shellyville Continues

Why?

Hello my sweet and sunny pals,

So I took the kids to the therapist last night. It is our normal routine once a month just to check in and keep Jackson on track. I always feel so much better afterwards. It makes me feel like a good parent.

I encourage my kids to be honest. I encourage them to express their emotions. Even the unpopular ones. I want them to know that no matter what I will love and support them. So we had an exercise yesterday that left me in tears. On a piece of paper was the word WHY...

Each one of us was handed a piece of paper and we had to draw an image or write something that went along with the word why...No instructions were given.

Savanna drew a picture of her parents in separate houses and the description why my life is different now...
Jackson drew a picture of himself screaming "I hate bipolar" and the words Why do I have to have bipolar?
I drew a picture of a girl walking in the rain holding an umbrella with the description Why do I always have to carry the burden of pain alone?

Each one of our pictures was personal and yet related. It was awesome to see Jackson's pain. I feel it. To hear Savanna say that she is worried her parents are not happy. It made me cry. It explains why I always feel so alone. Like I am the only one that hears my kids or feel what they feel. I know that I do carry them in my heart. I am not punishing myself for the burden I carry. It's just that I do get tired of doing this alone.

You know what makes me sad is that Brian's life has gone on the same. Nothing has really changed for him. I on the other hand have had so many changes. I moved. I got a new career. I live in a two bedroom apartment. I date. I still parent full time. I am still active and with my kids every week. I do things with them and for them. I take the brunt of their unhappiness. I get the good and the bad. I get to share myself with them. I get to love them unconditionally.

I have the greatest relationship with them and I always will. I will always carry their worries and pain. I might have to do it alone but I will do it with pride. I am the luckiest mom on the planet. I have two of the most loving kids with great hearts and they teach me every day to love more.

Love,
Michelle