Writing for NaNoWriMo

Attempting to Write; my start to 'Nano' 2012

So, here is the start of my 2012 Nano-writing.

No outline for a novel this time and no fixed ideas. It's going to be 'writing about writing', And: writing, just to write. Because, otherwise I write nothing at all. And that is rather unsatisfactory for someone who dreams of herself as a writer, before all else.

I think. I need to start shaping and sharping my thoughts about why I have always wanted to be a writer - as if it would be the only thing that would matter for me (apart from family, that is), as if it would be the only way that I could be ever contented with myself, were I to write something meaningful and preferably published.


What would I want to write about and in which form?

I think I already know what I want to write about. It is all to do with character-development: how people become the, more or less, crooked souls they often are and how it seems to fuel their behaviour: no matter their probably good intentions, what they do is so often not what they want and even damaging to themselves and their environment (as we all know, so nothing new; however, I've a lot of hands on experience, including with myself, and with the machinations of another culture too, so I may have something to add, which isn't all that commonplace - or am I too pretentious now?)

I hope I'll also be able to write a bit about the influence of culture on personal life and then there are women-issues about which I may be able to say something.

In other words, I do think I have 'material', but I doubt if I have the skill and talent. So that's something to work on, and, possibly, despair about. (smiley's don't belong in books, don't they? So I would have to find a better way to express sarcasm, not?!)

And then the form: non-fiction seems to be more fitting with my temperament: lazy and not all that imaginative. Yet, I admire fiction-authors and I think fiction can be more effective in conveying something - leaving a stronger impression, in spite of non-fiction being more precise in it's message. But of course, character-development is ultimately something that is more suited by fiction, unless I were to write psychological text-books, for which I do not feel myself qualified in any way.

Last year was my first attempt at Nano and I only managed about 2500 words. Not much, for a dreamt-writer. Yet I feel I developed a little, as a writer.

In past year I have tried to write two Minerva-fan fiction stories (which is Harry Potter fanfiction, dealing with the adult characters of the books, particularly the women). I did not finish the stories, although I had the whole storyline written out and a good number of scenes as well. However, there was a deadline involved and that paralyzed me. Meaning that towards the final date, I was unable to write any word to complete the story. BUT, in spite of that, I had enjoyed the writing very much: to do research to use correct data; how the story seems to take command and forces you to check and double-check for consistency; and how scenes and dialogues started to flash through my mind. It was a bit like working on solving an interesting riddle or puzzle, but then way more exciting.

Nano and these two Minerva-stories finally put me tentatively on the path of writing, in that I started to get a bit of a sense about it. Before, writing (fiction) was almost like a fortified castle, with it's drawbridge closed and me standing outside, wanting to cross the moat, but unable to. Let me say that now the drawbridge has been lowered a little, so I can at least peek over it.

So, concluding: this is not going to be a novel. This will be a collection of thoughts and scenes and hopefully some small stories. It's nothing but an exercise in writing. There will be little coherence.

I am aware that it is not suitable for the public eye, yet it will be 'visible to all' on Writing.com as it is what I remember was needed when part of certain Nano-groups on the site.