Come Home

"Nothing Else" (Ch 14)

Chapter Fourteen


Visit with Dad


         This is the first time Mom ever left me in charge of the others all alone. She didn't tell me where she was going. I could feel the dread. She had to be going to visit Dad.


         There at the clinic Mom had to give her purse to the front desk. Then a nurse led the her into a room where she could see the silhouette of Dad looking out the window. His hair seemed to look more gray. “John?” Mom asks.          


         “What do you want? You have already taken my family.” He says without looking toward her.


         “I have come to bring you these papers.”


         “What are they?”


         “Divorce papers and a restraining order.” Mom says looking down at the envelope that she was reaching to him. “John, time will tell what will happen in the future, but we can not live with you in that house.”


         She lays the papers on the end of the bed and begins to walk away.


         “Jude.” He still did not turn around. “You will never be able to live without me. You know this.”


         Mom just mumbles, “I love you and always will.” She picks up her purse on her way out of the building.


         She knew that he would find her, but she could not allow this to make her go back to that house.


         When she came home, we were playing in the yard. “When will we go home?” Less asks.


         Mom picks him up, “We are at our new home. Don't you like it?”


         We all go into the house. Mom was quite but unshaken. Since it was Friday night, we all sat down in the living room watching television. It was certainly a treat.


         “John, time for your medicine.” The nurse tells him.


         He takes the small cup. He empties the pills into his mouth. Dad looks at her as if she was an enemy. The he spits them one by one toward the lady in white.          “John, if you want to get out of here and go home, you have to take your pills.”


         Then he throws the water. “I will go home.” Dad said with his eyes glowing. “She will come home with me.” He turns back to the window.


         A few hours turns into three months living in the center. Dad had chilled out or at least that is what he wanted them to think. He could feel the call of the house calling him home. He knew that he could not go back as long as they thought that he was a danger to anyone. So he walked and talked as close to normal as he could. He tampered his temper. He even forced a smile from time to time.


         Dad had to sign himself out when it was time for him to go. They gave him a ride to our old school bus stop. Then he went to the boat. It was still where he had left it.


         When he got to the house, the windows were broken. Writing was strewn over the walls. “Come Home”  “Where are you?” “Come back” along with names “Matilda” “Less” “Rose” “Sis” “Jude”. Dad's name was not on the walls anywhere. It was like whoever or whatever had written the words knew that Dad was coming home. The author of the writings knew that the house had a hold on him that nothing could brake.


         It was dark by the time that Dad got to his house. He climbed into the bed that he and Mom once shared. This night the house stayed quite. Sara just looked out the window as she always did. This night Dad was permitted to sleep.


         It seemed that the sun took forever to rise. When it did, Dad rolled over to hold Mom that of course was not there to hold. He pulls her pillow close to his chest for about five minutes. He begins to get cold.


         He puts his shoes on, and he walks to the stove that was already in flames. He didn't remember starting the fire the night before. He warms himself trying to figure out what to do next. He decided to take his fishing pole to the river bank. He knew that he did not have anything to eat in the house.


         As he past the house, he pets Blunder on his head. “Would you like to go with me?” He says forgetting about what had happened between him and the dog. “I guess that it is just you and me for a while.” He releases Blunders chain. The dog begins running around my Dad's feet.


         Something was different about Blunder. He didn't eat, yet he looked well taken care of. He didn't go beyond the yard. He stopped at the edge of the yard when Dad went fishing. He was still sitting in the same spot when Dad came back.


         Dad brought home three large cat fish. He cut off their heads. When he cleaned out the entrails, he offered the mess to Blunder. The dog just sat there watching Dad work.  Once the fins were removed, dad put the fish in foil. He put the foil package into the fire. He didn't use salt or pepper. This used to be Mom's job. He didn't care anymore. It didn't even matter it was just a way to stay alive. Nothing was enjoyable any more.


         





My words are ways to leave peices of myself behind for my children.

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