Down the Rabbit Hole

My Shadow

This past week much of the East Coast was ravaged by hurricane Sandy. I have viewed the images and watched the news and been dismayed by this storm's wide swath of destruction. We faired remarkably well personally, even managing to hold our power through the worst of it, something I am most grateful for. The local power outages did little more than upset our family's routine with Jaden's daycare shut down for the week without electricity. Our minor inconveniences seemed almost obscene in the face of what others where dealing with in the wake of this storm. In fact this morning driving Jaden back to school for the first time in a week, last week's interruption in our daily routines felt more like a gift.

Jaden has been in daycare since she was about seven weeks old. I have battled with guilt and lamented over lack of time with her from that very first day I handed her off to the strangers who would play with and teach her in my absence. Last week, with her school closed, Jaden had the opportunity to be my little shadow for the first time. She became a more than willing shut-in along with her Dad and I. As the wind and rain battered the house, she happily made puzzles, created crayola masterpieces and watched her favorite Disney movies from our laps. When my office reopened she tagged along to work with me and behaved remarkably well, at least until after lunch, when her body began to demand her usual nap. She made the most of her time though, turning my whiteboard into her own colorful mural, taking walks with Grampa around the shop and helping me deliver mail and water the plants. I worked half days on-site with her, then we traveled home so she could rest and I could stay connected remotely. By the weekend, she and I were both getting used to having an all-access pass to each other. She helped me bake, clean, and learn a few new songs. The attachment clearly evidenced by her desire to be on my lap or at my heels almost every moment. Monday loomed large and I feared the return to normalcy would be as hard for me as it was for her.

The drive in this morning was a fun as I could make it. We sang, we practiced our shapes and colors with the road signs and talked about how much fun she would have with her friends again. I wasn't sure either of us were buying it. I kept sneaking glimpses of her smiling face in my rear view and I realized how much I was going to hate leaving her again, even for eight hours. She wanted to be carried in, which is never a good sign. And when I dropped to my knee to take off her coat and hat, I felt her arms snake tight around my neck. Jaden buried her face in my neck and I could feel her body go rigid with tension. But then, Miss Troinell moved in the enticing offer of letting her pick the morning snack and we thankfully avoided any tears. When I left, Jaden was in the arms of her pretty teacher, her face a serious mask as she contemplated the snack choices for her classmates.

The power is back on and the cleanup and recovery is well underway all around us. Our part of the world is starting to gain ground again on Sandy but driving into work, I feel a little at a loss. I am grateful, I am blessed, but I am already missing that extra special time with my little shadow. .