Lani's Blog

Achieving Ordinary

Name everything you've done that you're proud of





I wrote this in 1998 a year after I was diagnosed with ADD and before it was really cool and almost a cultural mandate. I wrote this to someone who felt that his ADD made it hard even know what was going on in his own life. This is not cry for sympathy or self-pity. It was my friend's bid for understanding and my celebration of achieving goals.








Dear friend





You are not alone in feeling that you are faking or not taking responsibility for your life. I feel sometimes I should get an Oscar for my performances. I fake all the time that I know what's going on around me, that I’m paying attention.





I was diagnosed last year with ADD. Ritalin and Zoloft have helped tremendously; the diagnosis is a doubled edged sword as you said. It helps to know there is a problem but acceptance is another matter. Sometimes in my daydreams I want someone to put their arm around my shoulder and say, "I know how hard it has been to accomplish all that you have done. Good work."





What have I accomplished? Ordinary dreams. I finished 3 years of college with good grades, I'm a nurse in the neonatal intensive care unit, and I have a loving husband and nice home. Ordinary dreams I never thought possible because I was such a space cadet, I felt like I’ve worked twice as hard as "normal" people to achieve what they take for granted. That’s why I want the hug. Why I feel like a faker, because I have achieved ordinary...





Good luck to you


Lani








Just a couple of other things. My relationship with God is something I proud of when we're not struggling. Well, I struggle. He listens. And my NICU grads. I have been a NICU/Level 2 nurse for 24 years which means there are two and a half generations of kids running around that I have touched. It makes me proud and humbles me. A full life indeed.

















Lani