Lani's Blog

What does Christmas mean to me

What does Christmas mean to you?"





Christmas meant going to Mass when I was little. Sitting on a cold wooden pew and listening to the priest, sounding like Charlie Brown’s teachers’ (wha wha wha wha) hoping the service would end soon. The only good thing about the experience was the Nativity scene at the altar. Made of plaster, painted badly even to my 6 year old eyes and chipped from wear, it was something to look at and think about while the service dragged on and on.





What kind of God would send His Son to earth? To worse poverty than I lived in? At least I didn’t live in a barn. Did God hate his Son that much or love us that much? And what kind of Son would go? Did He choose or was He banished? Why would He come if He knew in a few months we would be celebrating His Crucifixion? (Time has no meaning to a six year old or an ADDer so Jesus grew up pretty fast.) Had I paid more attention to the priest, I would have had answers to my questions but he was old and boring. He used words like redemption, salvation, and sacrifice. Words and concepts too big for me to understand.





“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  (NIV John 3:16)





When the priest read those words, my ears perked up. Here was something I could understand. Someone loved me enough to make sure I went to heaven. It bowled me over then and it does now. Tears formed in my eyes as I came to my realization. I heard my mother sigh and whisper to my dad something about me being too tenderhearted. Unfortunately tenderheartness and childhood are very short. God and I parted company about the time I turned 10 or 11 and I didn’t really seek Him out again until I reached my late 20’s.  I am rediscovering my tender heart with God’s help.





These days Christmas is about working around the work schedules and finding a day to celebrate. It’s about finding a not too crowed church service and the snuggling under the Christmas tree. Presents are nice but not mandatory.





I want to share this conversation I wrote a few years ago. I wrote to express conversations I have with God about big decisions. I showed it to a pastor friend who thought it was a perfect example of the conversation between Jesus and the Father. Let me know what you think.








What do you want?





I dunno.





You must choose.





I can’t.





You have to choose.





But what if I choose wrong?





You  won’t.





But what if I do?





No matter what you choose it will be alright.





Sigh...





Now what?





I’m thinking……





I’m thinking that you could choose for me.





How come?





Well……if you choose for me, I won’t choose wrong and


You will choose whatever is best for me, right?


So you choose for me.








And God smiled at His child’s choice














Lani