Droplets from the Inkwell

Blog Prompt: Best thing I ever did for myself

From "Blogging Circle of Friends " :

Name one of the best decisions you ever made.

I would have to decide that it was when I decided to go into therapy back in 2011. I had spent the previous few years going through unhealthy and horrible relationships. The last one was with D, and as I realized there was problems in the relationship, I talked to my friend Marisa about the possibility of seeking professional help from some of my issues. (To give one example, D told me that he needed some time alone to work through a few things that were bothering him, and I just about had a nervous breakdown, wondering why he wouldn't talk to me about it or let me help him.)

As things went through total meltdown (and I found out just how toxic a person D really was for me), I ended up making an appointment with my therapist, Felicia. I was a complete mess after our first session, as Felicia led me to the realization that I was codependent. I was in tears after that session and spent the next couple days feeling like I had emotionally been run over by a bus. Marisa told me that this was perfectly normal and actually a good thing. In the long run, I found out she was right.

With Felicia's help, I learned to see myself in a new light. I quit defining my worth solely in terms of what I could do to help other people. I quit needing to be needed. Plus, I started putting my own needs on the same level as the needs of those around me -- and above their wants or whims. I started pushing back when D (who eventually got back in touch with me) tried to emotionally manipulate me by appealing to my need to "be nice." I started setting boundaries with peoplend defending them, even refusing to continue talking to a few people if they continued to refuse to honor my boundaries.

I was fortunate in that I only spent about three months seeing Felicia (though her phone number is still in my contact list "just in case"). But the lessons I learned from her -- and the encouragement and praise I received for implementing them -- will stick with me for the rest of my life.

JarredH

Give me pen and paper and I shall create entire worlds and fill them with adventures.