Shadow Puppet Storyteller

Placing my Empathy

When I miss certain people in my life, certain intimate exchanges, or just the common lunch invitation, I wonder how much of it is me, and how much of it is their circumstances? Rarely do I get the time (or make the time) to call a friend, or visit. They don't make the effort either. Part of me wishes so deeply to be young, without attachment, or several years older, and perhaps less deep in with responsibilities. Some mix of those two ideals.

What I could accomplish back at twenty if I had the context of my current appreciation for so many things. What I will do with the time left to me, and what I might have managed so much better if my twenty year old self saved at all times and consistently for the future.

I do have gratitude for all I've accumulated, all I have accomplished, but so often now I know that I have not put nearly enough effort toward getting close and staying close to more people. Sure, the temporary joy of accumulating connections in social media should have been a clue that I was craving this, but it has a dark side too. You realize how little you really live in the world as a playmate with others anymore. The world, now, is not at all my neighbors, even though that's what the safe boundaries were when I was a child. It is not the nearby park that I might wander into. Sometimes I am too busy writing things to have others read and question, yet I berate myself for not writing often enough, with enough purpose, or lacking monetary return.

Tonight, I did start a story -- character study really -- that explores the demands of a young empath. Her path dictated by the rocky misunderstanding of how the talent can help her, and what it means in becoming close. Some people will dampen her empathic ability, and it will keep her sane, but a kind of drunk numb. But as a twenty something, she is also charged by some encounters (most encounters) and it is the most powerful she ever feels. Her decision will be whether she can manage without becoming a monster. I've titled it, Heartsleeve Ciara, and for once I'm letting a character have tatoos and be much less constricted than I have been in my life. This could be an interesting lesson.