Who do I still think I am??

This one's about a braveless talent.

30DBC PROMPT: "Tell us about your talents. Perhaps one we may not know about."

Good afternoon, everyone! This prompt comes to you courtesy of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" , and in a rare bit of internal silence, I have barely a clue as far as how to approach it. I'm afraid that when it comes to talents, basically what I've got is what you're lookin' at. And I can assure you, it's not payin' the rent.

Maybe it's the complex I have about not wishing to be one of those boastful types, so I overlook things I'm supposedly good at. Or maybe it's more likely that the things in life I'm actually really good at are rather inconsequential or generic. Could be. But what is actually happening here is a little phenomenon I'd like to share with you today. It's called "The Christmas Present Theory". Ironically, we're six months away from Christmas Day. How fitting.

I'm sure at least once in your life you've been asked this question, or some variation: "What would you like for Christmas/birthday/anniversary/not sucking at life?" And I'm sure 99.3% of the time, that question blindsides you because you didn't see it coming, so you go with stock modesty and say, "Pshawww, you don't have to get me anything!! Just having you around is the only present I need."

There are two things wrong with that answer. 1) It's a blatant lie, especially when you're in a mood that lends itself better to you being alone; and 2) Oh, you know there's something you want, but it's either too luxurious to ask for, or you simply forgot what it was because you were put on the spot.

I believe more often than not we know what we want if someone were to pose the question to us, and up until that moment we're almost bursting at the seams waiting to be asked. And when that precious time comes, we clam up. We get performance anxiety. Our heads go into a giant vacuum and we stare blankly at the potential gifter, as if to say the only answer we should give is "Fill my mouth with words, please!" We don't know how to properly answer the question.

That's kinda how I feel about my "talents". I could probably do a better job of telling you what I'm not good at, or step aside and let others tell you in their words what my best qualities are. My mind's drawing blanks at the moment...and the blanks are drawn so well they should be framed and hung up on the wall. I'm sure there'd be a decent amount of people that would have no problem offering up their opinions on what it is I do nicely enough for them...and twice as long a line of people wanting to stone me for everything I haven't done to their lofty expectations as well.

And in a not-quite-so roundabout way, I think I've answered the prompt by bullshitting my way through another portion of an entry. Maybe I am good for something after all.

BCF PROMPT: "'You're braver than you believe.' Do you believe this too? When was the last time you were brave?"

It appears all of the kind words I had for yesterday's prompts have disappeared along with the original entry I lost on Monday. I just don't like where this prompt could go one bit. I know we're supposed to "push ourselves" and "be creative", but even when you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig.

It's true that we can only prepare ourselves so much for any given situation, and we don't really know how we'd truly react until we're actually faced with said situation. Everyone wants to be the hero, but there's also a strong likelihood that we're even more chickenshit than we believe ourselves to be as well.

I would like to think I'm lucky, in that I haven't had many opportunities where my manhood's bravery has had to be called into action or be questioned. I've never been in a situation bigger than having to tell someone suspected of shoplifting in my store to "cut the crap" and leave. And even then, it was some crazy ass 80+ year-old guy who was stealing soap and deodorant by hiding it under the kiddie seat flap in his shopping cart. Way to put my meat and potatoes on the line there .

Everything I've done "for the sake of bravery" in the end has been reclassified as "in the name of stupid". Getting into a fight with a bigger dude over a girl? Dumb. Proving at the age of 37 you've still got some athleticism in you by jumping over a small bonfire? Busted ankle = not smart. Asking out any of the five hottest girls you've seen in the last six months for a cup of coffee? Are you insane?!?! Yup. I don't need to grow a pair. I need to sprout more of an octet.

But just once, I'd like to see how I'd react when there's more than a candy bar and a back rub on the line. I wanna save your kid from a burning building, or pull you from a fiery car crash, or dropkick the masked gunman at the bank. No, wait. Skip all that. Fast-forward to the part where I get the girl in the end. That's all I really want.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Still in the talent-determining process. And the learning-to-walk-again process. Neither is an easy proposition right now. <insert jobless, semi-crippled emoticon here>

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

Some words of wisdom on the subject of bravery...

Among my many non-talents (in the "rated below XXX" category): money spending, nacho consumption, sleep-fighting, silly facial expression making, sandwich creating, irrationalization, and knuckle-cracking.

10: Weeks since I've filed my NYS tax return. It's normally a 6-8 week turnaround. I did a Google search of "Where is my NY tax refund" and an interesting website pops up where you can find out by putting in your social security number and anticipated refund amount. The weird part...in order for this website to actually work, you hafta know what you think you're getting back. Which I did not when I tried to look into this yesterday. So I had to find a copy of my return, which I had, only I never finished filling it out to have a record of a dollar amount. I basically had to redo my state taxes last night just so I could track my return today. I inputted the figure necessary, and according to New York, "We received your return and it required further review. While most returns are reviewed within 4 weeks, it may take up to 6 weeks to complete our review." Great...so, a federal income tax return (short form) is one page, front and back, in fairly decent-sized print, and I get my return in 2-3 weeks no problem, but a state income tax return is 2 pages (front and back) in much smaller print with more lines, the refund is 1/5th the amount I got from the feds, and there's some sort of problem with it?? Are you kidding me? And NY wonders why people leave the state in droves. I </3 NY.

An updated list of much-needed WDC emoticons: broken heart, chains, ninja, smiley face of some kind with a halo over it, and a drum set. Pass this list along.

Alrightey...while I figure out my current dilemma of staying seated in front of a fan or moving somewhere closer to an outlet so I can plug my dying laptop's battery in, y'all stay cool. Peace, ob-la-di, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!