Who do I still think I am??

This one's about the criminally minded.

30DBC PROMPT: "If you were allowed to go and commit one crime without fear of punishment, what would you do?"

Happy Saturday, y'all! Wow...this is kind of an exciting set of prompts today! I get to test my chops a little bit. My fingers can feel the anticipation! Oh, where to go, where to go!

As probably one of the few bloggers on WDC to experience life from the inside of a jail cell [Ed. note: it was a traffic violation gone horribly and comedically wrong], I think it's pretty safe to assume that my insight on the legal system offers me no real benefit for today's "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  prompt. However, having been born and raised in Western New York, I have a significant advantage at my disposal for today's "Blogging Circle of Friends Prompt Forum"  portion of this entry. Ye writing gods haveth doth smiled uponeth me, or somethin'.

I could get this over with in a hurry and say I'd like to rob a bank or some otherwise simple shit, but nawwwww man, that's too easy. And I don't wanna kill or hurt nobody. Besides the basic crimes of theft and murder, what else is there? [Ed. note: the events listed in this entry are not meant to insinuate any of the portrayed actions...I ain't actually doin' any of this!] Most illegal activity breaks down in essence to one of those two categories. I guess that would paint me as a thief. I can live with that.

But it wouldn't involve guns or violence (ok, well, perhaps a minimal amount of violence). There'd have to be lots of deceit involved. Computer hacking, fraud, malfeasance, chicanery, offshore bank accounts, the whole nine. And since we're sinning, let's throw in some cussing and adultery while we're at it. It'd be something like the plots of Arrested Development and Dirty Sexy Money combined with the computer program used to skim fractions of pennies from transacted dollars in the movie Office Space.

I'd have to flip the money somehow. Maybe start some businesses or buy some property. Turn bad money into good. I believe they call it "laundering", but that's another crime for another time. I'll need another "get out of jail free" card for that.

The only real crime being committed right now, however, is me not having a solid plan for how I would try to pull off the heist of the millennium. That's not really my style anyway. And why should I give myself you any ideas, anyway? Who's to say I really don't have a plan to upend the government, treasury and other sources of potentially ill-gotten income? Besides giving you my word that I don't, that is.

Awww hell, I couldn't do it anyway. If my guilty conscience didn't get to me first, I wouldn't be able to resist posting some sort of incriminating evidential link to myself about it on Facebook anyway. I'd make a horrible big-time bandit.

BCF PROMPT: "Have you ever been in a snowball fight? Were they good experiences or bad ones?"

A curious prompt to say the least for the end of June. Temperatures are going to be in the upper 70's and low 80's for the next week in Central NY...and I'm seeing that places like Las Vegas, Nevada could see highs around 119 degrees! Heat like that shouldn't be legal.

But anyway, drawing on my vast experience with snow, there are pretty much two kinds of snowball fights...the ones you have as a kid, and the ones you have as an adult. Allow me to explain.

The kid ones are broken down into the random, "I'mma throw a snowball at you 'cuz I can" fights, and the epic, snowstorm-enabled, territorial backyard battles. The latter requires a large amount of snow that can be firmly packed. Each side takes great care in sculpting a protective fort from snow, in which to hide in and store copious amounts of ammo (snowballs). It helps to have a large, open plot of land in this scenario. These wars can take all day, and have a classic "us versus them" element to them almost like a team sport. They usually end when all the snow is used up, someone gets hurt, or it's just too damn cold to continue (as typically determined by a parent wielding mugs of hot cocoa).

The adult snowball fights are probably the most fun though, because of the unpredictability of their nature. One winter evening a long time ago, Verno, my sis and I went to Perkins for coffee...we went there a lot just to hang out. During our time there it had snowed a lot. A heavy, wet snow. We were too busy conversing and having coffee to really pay much attention to it until we went to settle up the bill.

As we left and made our way to the car, I caught myself marveling at the amount of snow that had fallen over a short period of time. Verno used this opportunity to start walloping us with snowballs, and an all-out, every man and woman for his or her own self snow battle broke out, right in the parking lot.

Picture a gunfight in the nastiest of 'hoods erupting, only with snow. And just three people. If the parking lot were one of those shakable snow globes, imagine it tumbling in a washing machine. That's how much snow was being processed by us in the atmosphere. We were using other peoples' cars for cover. It was guerilla warfare. It reached a point where we were no longer making rounded balls of snow...we just started scooping up whatever we could find and heaving it the best we could in the general direction of any face we saw.

It lasted maybe about an hour or so, but we looked like we ran a marathon by the time we all called a truce. We were soaked from sweat and snow...not an ideal combination. But for someone who hates pretty much everything to do with snow, it may have been the most fun I've ever had in cold weather.

I'll tell you what though...nowadays, you hit me with a snowball and I'll do anything within my power to turn you into a permanent snowman.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

I had to go old school with it today. They say the best way to catch a crook is to think like one. But this is just poetry.

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

I'd be curious to see how these turn out the next time it gets crazy hot in your vicinity.

12.27: According to this website, http://cooking.stackexchange.com/questions/14052/amount-of-chocolate-chips-in-a-..., that's the average amount of chocolate chips in a chocolate chip cookie. But you'll have to fight through the most ridiculous and unhelpful answers possibly ever assembled in that all-knowing bastion of internet knowledge, the open forum.

Well, I've provided enough insight for one day. Time to head off and do life in a way that won't require bail money. Or, as us hardened criminals like to say, "have a quiet weekend". Peace, stick 'em up, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!