Who do I still think I am??

This one's about to be up for grabs.

30DBC PROMPT: "Write a humorous listing for your eBay auction. Include the history of the item you are selling and why you are getting rid of it."

Good afternoon, folks. After a few days away and a couple of false starts, I figured it was about time for me to drop in and kill a couple of minutes before the weekend actually starts. What better excuse is there than "Funny Friday", the one day of the week set aside for yours truly to be sorta entertaining?

As you may or may not be aware, this remote location of internetastical loquaciousness has never been known as one to shy away from areas of absolute and utter outrageousness and sheer senselessness of thought. Today, I hope, will be no exception.

I must admit that I've never, in all my years of website perusal, used eBay (fun fact: my computer's spell-checker recognizes eBay as an actual word, but gives Ebay the scarlet underline treatment). Shocking, I know. But I have purchased stuff from https://www.half.com (a site ran by eBay) in the past to buy used (and hard to find) cds at ridiculously low prices, with amazing results. However, today's focus is on eBay, so I'll stick to that and all that I do know about it through 3rd-party usage.

The item up for bid is a one-of-a-kind, custom-built piece of internet lore known as "Who Do I Think I Am??" . Created in the month of March during the Year Of The Rabbit 2011, it comes complete with 380 hand-typed entries and over 17,600 distinct views. Included in this amazing offer are comments ranging from two to ten (and sometimes more!) per entry from some of your favorite https://www.writing.com authors. A blog of distinct value, it is a two-time Quills award nominee and has taken home an "Honorable Mention" as "Best Blog" in 2011.

This item cannot be broken up into separate pieces for individual sale, nor will it be undersold!!

You can own a piece of history! You'll laugh at such gems as "This one's about more shenanigans." ! Feel the emotions of real human life in "This one's about part one." , "This one's about part two."  and "This one's about part three." ! And who can forget everyone's favorite, "This one's about growing up." ? Relive every moment in true bloggeriffic fashion when you purchase this exquisitely designed smattering of words that sometimes makes sense.

With plenty of reviews averaging five stars, Who Do I Think I Am?? is a critically acclaimed masterwork in the genre of nonsense and a career-defining pile of steaming awesomeness served with sides of snark and hoof-in-pottymouthiness that only the most discriminating of poor souls can truly love and understand. It begs to be taken to bed with you at night just to wake up happy, and requires no watering! Just log in and go! You'll be on your way to wondering what you just wasted three hours of your life on in no time! The supply is limited, so act now!!

But wait, there's more!!

Just for your interest in Fivesixer 's magnum opus, you'll receive fo' free the original rave-up that started it all, "I'm Studying You" . That's right y'all...if you've ever wondered what it was like to be a Stogger or a Studyee, now's your chance to find out! The origins of the blog that speaks its own language have resurfaced and the experiences are waiting to be shared by a whole new mini-generation of admirers and haters worldwide!

This liquidation of words is a limited time, no-risk offer that comes with a low set of expectations and a legendary lack of self-control! Both the original owner and the internet have decided it's too big for its britches to be where it sits now, and he's willing to part with it to the sucker highest bidder! So grab your checkbook (sorry, no checks accepted), tell all your homies, and bid...bid once, bid twice, or bid a thousand times yes!! to this incredulous offer of the bastardization of the famous language Americans are known worldwide for relating their words in!

Bidding starts at: $627,356 US Dollars, or a case of Heineken and a pack of Marlboro Menthols (because the barter system is way more cooler than cash, fo' sho').

Operators are sitting patiently, reading Us Weekly and hoping not to be disturbed, so act now!! This offer is not valid on the planet Earth. Please cover your mouth when reading. Do not adjust your controls. Two drink minimum. Must be over the age of 18 and have a note from yo' mama. Cross your t's and dot your eyes. Safety belts must be worn at all times. Remove plastic before use. Not responsible for your oversights. Go Sabres.

BCF PROMPT: "Tell us about the last time you had a real, deep, crying-from-laughing belly laugh."

Dammit, people in the prompts business end of the "Blogging Circle of Friends Prompt Forum" ! I just closed out the window of "Who Do I Think I Am??" , and I know that somewhere in the last two years I've answered a prompt just like this one at some point. But I've already wasted enough time looking at last year's news to want to go back and reload something that takes forever to load, so I'mma just wing it and see what happens.

I've had a good laugh internally just by creating this entire entry...too bad that's not good enough. There hasn't been a lot to laugh about for awhile, so I gotta take 'em when they come. I don't laugh much period, or show any kind of real emotion for that matter. I think I've been too desensitized and emotionalized by life and the world at large to really give too many damns about anything anymore, good or bad. That's how life rolls, I figure. Sign my paychecks with that and save a little bit for later.

That's not to say I'm totally heartless or lacking for currency in what the people think is funny. I just have a different means of expressing myself in that regard, and it suits me, which is all you really need to know. Long gone, I'm afraid, is the cackle I used to bust that borderlined on annoying when something was truly butt-gustingly hilarious (and yes, I see what I did there). I believe it's been replaced with the appreciation of a more intelligent humor...the kind you have to witness two or three (or more) times to really understand, and it makes ya smirk more than anything 'cuz you're one of only a handful that really gets the joke. Any jerk-off can be funny. It takes a special kind of ridiculiciousness for me to crack my ass up laughing into a tear-inducing spasm. If that means I've set the bar for what I like pretty high, then so be it...I guess I'd rather be overwhelmingly impressed than laughing at damn near every little miniscule slice of standard comedy.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

No sell out, since 1975.

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

Like I mentioned at the top, this week's been filled with false starts in regards to coming up with suitable blog entries. For example, I started one yesterday that completely got away from me for the prompt "Competition brings out the best and the worst in us. Should more activities or competitions be encouraged for children in schools? Or should they be discouraged?" I was doing well at first, and then it spiraled outta control to the point where I thought classrooms could be the equivalent of sports leagues, and it got way too out of hand for even my lack of taste, so I did the smart thing and delete the whole shebang before I even finished posting it (something I rarely do). But the point is, if it's done right with consistency and moderation, competition is healthy...as long as parents and teachers don't get too crazy and mean and overbearing, and we're not handing out trophies every damn time a kid shows up, does their homework, or wipes their ass. There's gotta be the right balance and the proper environment...the whole "time and place for everything" argument, basically. Why I couldn't just leave it at that, I'll never know.

So I attended that thing I mentioned earlier this week about self-publishing. It was surprisingly informative. The author speaking was indeed self-published, and he gave us all a copy of his book (available here as well: {link:http://www.amazon.com/Way-Floss-Gary-Price/dp/0988582600/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373656636&sr=1-1&keywords=The+way+to+floss}) as well as detailing the process of how it actually became what it was in physical form. He admitted he was no kind of public speaker, but he still was pretty engaging. If he was any bit computer literate, he would've saved himself hundreds of dollars trying to get his book out there, but thankfully it seemed like he was willing to spend money and make mistakes just to be able to share his experiences so that others wouldn't throw good money at bad products. It was well worth the hour and fifteen+ minutes of my day. I have to remember to send him an email and thank him for his time.

60: Dollars an hour Gary Price (the author mentioned above) spent on formatting, uploading, and other computer-centric tasks related to his publishing endeavors. $60!! Per hour!! And that doesn't include what some print-on-demand sites charge just to upload your writing! Screw being an author! I'mma get my ass some kind of computer doohickey thingamabob degree, 'cuz that's where the real money's at, my man.

Ahh, well, another afternoon gone by, and all I have to show for it is an actual blog entry this week. Beats the lesser alternatives, I suppose. Anyway, have a great weekend, peace, say goodnight now, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!