Curious Incidents of a Flailing Mermaid

Day Sixteen: looking back

Prompt for day sixteen: "Review" a old piece of yours from your port that you haven't looked at in a while. Has your writing style changed? What have you learned since you wrote that piece? (Be sure to link to it so we know which item you are talking about.)

This is a very interesting prompt. It has made me have a quick look over the work in my portfolio and have a very brief glance at the review I have received over the time I have been on this website. Unfortunately, to start with (well really until April this year) I was not very active on here. Therefore, I rarely got many reviews back then. However, this exercise has made me realise that my poetry isn't too bad. I never think my poetry is very good. Yet, my best reviews and ratings are for some of my poems, which really surprise me.
The item I have decided to look at today is the first thing I ever posted on WDC. Looking at the date the concept must have been really clear in my mind. The situation the poem talks about had only just happened within the previous week or so.

Swimming to the End!  (E) About bringing a stunning swimming career to an end #1798319 by Fran 🌈🧜‍♀️

Reading over this I feel I ought to have used some way of allowing the reader to personally identify with this a little more. As it is I can see that I was trying to place the reader into the swimmer's shoes, which is not going to be an easy task if they have never been in this position. Therefore, I think actually this needs to be in either the first person or third person for that item to have the correct level of emotional impact. Obviously, when I read this I am immediately taken back to the emotionally draining day that was the catalyst for writing this. But, now that I look at it, and am able to take a step back, I don't think anyone else would be able to picture the scene as easily as I would like.
I have always loved reading, but when I wrote this item I was going through a two-year period of being and unable to sit down and read a book. Therefore I wonder whether I had forgotten how important imagery was in a piece of writing. Now I read a book a day sometimes and if I can't picture the scene properly, I won't be able to enjoy the book/piece of writing. So I suppose, if I was to write this again now I would I bear that in mind. That is definitely something I have learnt since I wrote this (just making sure I stick to the prompt).

The piece is also far too wordy for my liking now. If I were to go back and edit this, which I really ought to, I would definitely cut down the word count. I have definitely learnt over the years that less is more. I am a well-known waffler and could easily use five words where one would do. Also, some of the punctuation could certainly do with revising.

All in all, what have I learnt? I’ve learnt that this item needs a good ol’ edit and I’m not all that bad at poetry/prose.