Shouts From Down Under

Please feel welcome, then leave soon

Cafes and toilets (bathrooms in the US) have one thing in common besides a seat.

Solitude.

This may not be immediately apparent, but I think it's safe to assume this to be usually the case in the bathroom.

There is a time, and for some it's most of the time, when you just want people to stay the heck away from you. Or to not come near you. You don't want company, for whatever reason, right or wrong.

And in bathrooms it's automatic. The solitude I mean. Maybe not a peace or serenity that is usually the fruit of silence and being on your pat malone. (partly unfashionable Aussie term meaning alone)

Cafes are a different matter entirely. But...are they?

When people drive their car, park it, walk, find a place they trust to exchange their currency for caffeine, and sit down around the little round tables so common in these places, they are often sitting by themselves. Next time you queue for a coffee or let loose on a long black (coffee) note how this phenomenon equates with my theory.

I know how it is for me. I like to be alone. Not all the time. A chit chat is nice. I enjoy people and their company. But there are other times I like to just sit there, sipping and solving the insolvant stereotypical slackness of our sanctioned social structure set up soley by myself.

Is it my imagination that people do generally avoid those sitting drinking coffee by themselves?

Everyone is aware, surely, of people watching. Especially novelists. They like to characterise everyone, pigeon hole them and record their nuances.

This cannot be done with distractions, diversions or deliveries. You get your mugaccino, your snack, paper, charged up iPhone, tablet(s) and whatever and you sit there, hoping nobody comes to share your space.

If you wanted them to come and park at your table, you'd invite them. Well, maybe I'm antisocial (pfft maybe?) but really, the most stimulationg part of the conversation is what's already in your cup or mug.

I think cafes and sitting drinking coffee indicates a similar desire as sitting reading a book.

Using a computer in an online centre is similar, but I think the ettiquette of this situation (same with touchphone head dipped position) is lagging yet, and a lot of folks don't get it. I like to think I'm up there with the cutting edge. Yes; informed and savvy.

When someone is sitting having coffee, it's ok to leave them alone. Say hello and all that, nod and smile, but unless they enthuse, clear their stuff to the side, thrust out the other chair and nod, then what would be the fair sign of the situation to a reasonable person?

If the place is packed with patrons picking at pastries and posses elsewhere don't present themselves, then privacy coupled with peace is still possible being paired up.

Newspapers are another obvious one. I feel a bit guilty with this one, because it reminds me of parents that put up the barrier of the local rag between them and their littleys without a thought that this is an itimidating and unapproachable "page barrier" that later becomes the "age barrier".

I'm guilty of this, I feel, with computers, computer games and basically everything else that I've said in this blog, that drives family, friends, aquaintances, associates, collegues, relatives, cousins, coworkers, complete strangers and homeless people away.
I really don't feel it's good to be like this, but have accepted the reality that a lot of the time, and not just for myself, this is the case. People don't want other's company, even if it's their own children.

Then when they become old they wonder why their children aren't that hot on the idea of visiting.

So, there's a time and a place, goes without saying. Except for some of us. Some, that drink coffee.

Some, that their Doctors advise to drink less coffee. These General Practitioners are onto us deliberate social outcasts. They are secretly doing everything they can to bring pressure onto us. They know we people watch, and gather a harvest of details.

They know we drink coffee so we won't be disturbed.

Maybe it's because we are already disturbed.

Sparky