Reflections: A Book

Sensitive Topic

Convo b/t me and my Mother *slightly edited for clarity, enjoyment and in order to fill in the blanks* Thanks God for the holidays......

I said it in private so don't bring it up unless it's in private.

O ok I didn't realize it was a sensitive subject.

You're missing the point! It doesn't matter if it's a sensitive subject.

Then why can't I bring it up?

Because I said it in private!!!

You say A LOT of things in "private"! It was just us for 48 hours, EVERYTHING we said was in private!

Not 'everything' just some things,

EXACTLY THAT'S WHAT i JUST SAID!!!!

....whatever.


.....REALLY?! *SMDH* I f'n hate having to CENSOR myself around 'family' either they're family or they AREN'T don't tell me these people are my family if I can't talk to them LIKE FAMILY! Could I have brought it up with any of your brothers or sisters?

Yea but that's different, they're not my husband.

Ok, so if it was Marks' (my younger brother) dad, and we talked about how his family is, could I have brought it up to him?

Yea to him but not his parents/siblings.

Ok, well I wasn't going to bring it up to Franklin's parents/siblings.

Yea you would have, you would have asked at least one of his sisters why they don't get together during the holidays.

....no I wouldn't. I wouldn't have said "my mama said" I out grew that phase in the womb.....(but I'm not blind, etc.)

Well....still. Just don't bring it up.

Ok.

*blissful silence*

......why would you even....

I said ok! Why do YOU keep bringing it up!? And since we're talking about 'confidences', there's something I'd like YOU not to bring up around HIS family. Something I'd like you to keep in 'confidence', something that's no one else's business.

What?

Don't try to throw 'guilt trips' around in public, telling Franks daughter I never come visit you like I'm some awful person.

You didn't tell me that in confidence I was just telling the truth.

No, you was being melodramatic and accusing me of not being a good daughter. Basically, painting me in a disfavorable light; which is the only reason you don't want me bringing up what we talked about! Sorry I'm not perfect mom. Stating a fact is "She hasn't been home just to visit me since she moved back." Being accusatory and melodramatic is leaning in and saying "You know she hasn't been to see me not once since she moved!" REALLY?! I know you know the difference, please don't insult either of our intelligence by pretending your intent was anything different.....

I wasn't intending anything....

Ok, well I just want to let you know that your tone of voice sounded inflammatory and guilt trippy, just like with my hair and how you for whatever reason felt the need to comment on it a million times at your sisters house. Hate to break it to you but 'guilt trips' have the direct OPPOSITE affect on me....

Well that's just too bad, walk around looking crazy if you want to, I'm yo mama, just trying to tell you whats good for you.

*headache coming on*

Mom, I know that and I love you for your honesty BUT there is a difference between sharing your opinion and shoving it down my throat. I KNOW what you think and how you feel, what happened to the days of "well I guess you just not gonna listen to me so forget it, I'm not saying it again"? I MISS those days!!!

That's just rude.

I'm not trying to be rude I'm just saying, you repeating yourself and trying to embarrass me will NOT get you what you want. I'm only trying to save us both headaches....I get it. I want to be perfect. I want to appear to be beautiful to you and my family all the time but I long ago accepted the fact that I will never live up to your standards of personal care and beauty. All I can do is live up to mine the best I can and your INSESINT needling only makes it worse. I'm just being honest. There's a reason you sister and mom have SEVERAL good things to say about my attire when they see me in my work clothes but you feel like you never see them, 1. because even if I dress and look good 85% of the time, you only concentrate on the 15% that's lacking

well you SHOULD look good 100% of the time.

that's my point right there.....100% = perfection, I'm not perfect and I never will be

well you can't afford to not be perfect in your appearance Ansley, it's tough out there period, let alone for a young black woman, you can't give an inch or they will take the mile

*migraine insisting*

Ok

there you go, being dismissive again

No, but we obviously agree to disagree and I don't like arguing with you so just...ok.

How can you disagree!?

I don't disagree about looks being important in the workplace. I DO disagree that I'm not good enough, or doing my best at work. I DO disagree that if I don't get to keep this contract in March that my looks will have been the deciding factor or even a relevant factor at all BECAUSE I know when I've messed up, both business wise and personally and I can tell you they have NO reason at that job to think less of me because of my appearance NOR DO THEY! What's a major deal to you either isn't to them or it's a misnomer because I don't look like you apparently assume I do, in the office.