Amygdalia's Blog

Fighting meds

It’s very difficult to know whether or not to welcome a new med into my life. Over the past several months I’ve started taking a handful of new medications, in an effort to deal with some frustrating but not life-threatening issues.

Have I been sleeping better? Yes – off and on. I’ve started and stopped so many different medications, as their efficacy declined. I have yet to find a physician who is interested in dealing with the issues BEHIND my life-long battle with insomnia. The first doctor I ever spoke with about my insomnia said “take Benadryl.” I was stunned. I’d just told him I had been struggling with insomnia MY ENTIRE LIFE, and his response is that I should take Benadryl? This was many years before I would even accept the idea of taking a medication to help me sleep. It was also the last time I visited that particular physician.

The one sleep specialist I saw did not know what do to with me, since I did not have sleep apnea.

I have major sensory issues that prevent me from getting comfortable, and startle me awake. I also struggle with getting my brain to shut down. This is what the sleep doctor wanted to focus on. But without dealing with the sensory issues, getting my brain to settle was irrelevant. I liken it to being ticklish – when I’m tickled, my body reacts. I don’t have a rational moment to respond. The same thing happens with other sensory stimulation. My heart starts racing, and I’m in alert mode. Everything bothers me – sound, vibration, the feel of a crease in the pillowcase, a stray hair, something cooking at the other end of the house, the light through the seam in the blinds or under the bedroom door. I sleep with a fan for white noise year round. But it has to be perfectly steady white noise, because a wobble (think the sound of a jet engine) will drive me insane. It’s ALL I will hear.

So meds . . . they can help settle my brain and ease my sensory issues enough so that I can get to sleep. Until they stop working. Some work better than others. Some leave me groggy or grouchy the next day. Some have other side effects. My current doctor has brushed aside my concerns that I’m taking 3 different medications that increase my appetite. THREE. I have no chance against the menace of the kitchen. I was in tears in Kohls last week, trying to buy myself some clothes that fit. It HAS to stop.

So I’m fighting the meds. I’m weaning myself off of my sleep meds, and will speak to the physician who prescribed the 3rd one next month.

Last night was really rough. I kept hearing someone moving around, somewhere in the house. At 2:30 AM I was still awake. And I still have not completely weaned myself off of the meds. I am NOT looking forward to the next few weeks.