A Book Nerd's Inner Voices

Tiny Terrorists

"Kids have so much energy because they siphon it out of their parents like midget gasoline thieves."

So let me tell you a little bit about my last few days. I put my darling child to bed on Sunday night, kiss my angel and tell her I love her, then crawl in bed next to my husband and go to sleep. Monday morning comes bright and early, the sun is shining, the coffee is brewing and I am ready to face the day. Dressed and ready for work I go in and gently wake my sleeping girl, hoping for a sweet smile and a "Good morning, Mommy."





And then a demon opens its eyes.





The next two days are nothing but tantrums, screaming, kicking, spankings, time outs (for her, too) and repeatedly counting to three. I am exhausted---and ironically unable to sleep.





Whoever called it the "Terrible Twos" was drastically underestimating the demonic power of a toddler. Either that or they took pleasure is spewing deceit and misleading well-meaning adults into thinking they would get a reprieve when the kid turned three.





Now, I love my daughter. She is the light of my life, the bounce in my step and the joy in my heart. My favorite times of the day are when she is telling me what she learned, laughing and dancing like a lunatic or just cuddling and saying she loves me. But there are some days (like the past few) when I would love nothing more than to string that child up by her toes! She hit the "Terrible Twos" head on at one and a half and has not stopped running since. Now, as she is gaining on three and a half and showing no signs of losing even an ounce of her attitude, (much to my dismay) I have come to the conclusion that I either need to wait the child out...or surrender.





And that is a thing I will never do. Her father is right: she gets her stubbornness from me.





There must be something about that age. Maybe it's discovering their own sense of self for the first time, learning to be independent or that there are some things they just don't need Mommy and Daddy to do. Maybe it's that toddlers are hardwired to push every button and turn every hair grey on their mother's head. Who knows? What I do know for certain is that it is not just my child. (Whew!)





So I have come to another conclusion. Toddlers are not just tiny humans trying to find their own way in the world. They're tiny freaking terrorists sent to conquer it! One day, all of us parents are going to turn around and find our children holding up blankets and stories, herding us all to a designated area to be by ourselves for a while. They're going to take all of the grown ups and put us on an island while they go about their business of freedom and playtime with no bed time, rules or naps.





Well. Let me tell you, if the midget gasoline thieves do banish all the adults to a desert island, the first thing I'm going to do is grab a stiff drink and a good book, stretch out on the beach and catch me some sun. My child can rampage across the universe and have all the rule-less fun she wants. This Mommy needs a break. :)