My Journal #2

Dad's 86th Birthday

Written in response to a newsletter

In response to your statement.  I grew up in a very narrow minded Christian organization. I rebelled as a teen and still chose to be a Christian in my early twenties. Thank God for his grace because I had a lot to learn.  I thank God for giving me a tender heart toward wanting the truth. I had the foundation (doctrine) but the rest seemed conflicting at times.  As I struggled through my thirties and forties I found bits of the true light revealed to me in ways that surprised me. I found that tradition changes. How my parents and their parents acted and reacted to the "rules" of the church were no longer "rules" but guidelines. I discovered that God reveals his ways to us as we seek to know him. I'm sure you have acquaintances you meet or see around but if they asked if you were a friend they might say no. We speak but we aren't friends.  Sometimes God sees us the same way. He'd like to be our friend and even closer a confidant, but if we don't believe he exists or that he is the Almighty, what can he do? When all the things he does for others aren't enough to cause some seed of belief he's left outside people's lives.

My father is just days away from dying. Four years ago he was given 3-6 weeks to live and God healed him of esophageal cancer. We'd said our good-byes then rejoiced these last years. We knew they wouldn't last forever but every year was a blessing.  In just 3 short weeks he's gone from walking around and working to almost dead.

I've had to renew my faith in God's plan. I've been singing an old Southern Gospel song "Trying to get a Glimpse." It talks about standing on the shore waiting for the boatman to come to take one to the other shore. Across the river of death but there on the other side is the promised homeland and we all want just a glimpse of Heaven. I have that hope. I'm not sad as I watch my father wait for his boat. I pray there will be no pain. I pray he goes quickly and quietly in his sleep.

Last night as I left I said, "Dad if I don't speak to you down here I know you'll be waiting up there for me." He smiled and said, "Yes, I'll be there right after I see Jesus." he had tears in his eyes.  What comfort. What hope. How does one explain color to the blind? How does one try to show that even if you can't hold it in the hand its real?  As real as passing your hand passing your hand through a vapor and getting your palm wet. If I pray and get an answer, either yes, no or wait. I'm confident its the right answer. Consequence? maybe if that's all you had, but what about the inner strength and comfort that consequence can't give? When I'm sad and alone and need a hug? I can feel the presence of something there that calms my fears, eases the anxiety and gives me peace where there was none? Can consequence be trusted to be there?  I'd rather know someone hears and answers than to rely on being at the right place at the right time. Like winning the lottery.

That brings me a thought. I'd hope to win the lottery if I bought a ticket. I certainly wouldn't expect to win it.  I expect(verb) to go to heaven it is my hope  (verb) or trust is that I have done what God has required of me, salvation through his blood and I continue to live a life that is wholly and acceptable to the expectations he's has for me. I don't put my expectations on those who have not had the training I have. I do however expect that same dedication to others who have had the knowledge I have. 

If you were born in the USA and went to school, you were taught the laws of the road and the land. At no time can you stand before a judge and expect to say "I never knew j-waking was breaking the law." or driving through a red light would get me a ticket. Some things we learn at home as a child. There is no excuse. (even if people go to court and win, it doesn't make it right) Every one is told about what is right and wrong. That there is a heaven to gain and a hell to shun. What a person does with that knowledge is up to them.  God cannot and will not go against man's free will.  If a person refuses to believe, He will continue to call them until they do something that is against the Holy Spirit and then he will not call again. That person is lost with no chance of redemption. When one has no spirit calling them, they will not change their mind anyway.

I can hear the up roar. What? If a person even entertains the thought there might be a God, he's still calling, waiting for some move toward Him. Once the line is crossed that is it. What a sad state of affairs.

This world is at a place where the door of opportunity is almost closed. I and others are seeing the last of the set up for the tribulation to take place. All the elements in Revelation have been pretty much fulfilled. I don't believe in selling out and sitting on a mountain to wait. I want others to know they need to think about making that choice before it's too late. Once those who have been redeemed are spirited out of this world, the chaos that it will cause will set in motion  a series of events that those who knew but didn't make the decision, will be so fearful they may even try to commit suicide but it won't be possible. I don't know how but they won't die. I have loved ones who know but have not chosen to change.

At this time of my father's impending death, I hope some will come to a crossroad where they make the right decision. I know Dad wants to see them as much as I will.


Tina Weaver

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