Amygdalia's Blog

Self image and weight loss

I read a wonderful article on self-image by Crys-not really here , last week. It really brought home the fact that women of all sizes need to be able to be happy with themselves, first and foremost.

I think it makes a tremendous difference in the way one is able to present to the world, if one is able to be self confident.

And yet . . . every day, every single day I wage hours long battles in my brain, wherein I chastise myself, cajole myself, convince myself to make a change because I’m not happy with where I am. And then I remember Crys’ article, and want to just be happy with myself.

I’ve got genetics at work – my dad has had a belly for as long as I can remember. My mom gave me the addictive personality that just wants to eat the yummy food. My intertia . . . I think that’s all my own, though. Nah, I think I got that from my mom, as well. Conservation of energy – I’ve always been about minimum effort.

It stinks. It’s not how I want to be, but here I am. Remembering where I used to be. Trying to talk myself down from the knowledge that I can wear whatever I want to my cousin’s daughter’s Bat Mitzvah next month, but I will NEVER be cocktail party chic.

So then I think – “why bother? Just keep doing what you’re doing. You won’t make difference in a month.” “But you’ve had MONTHS to make a difference, and here you are.” “Well yes, here I am. And in a month it’s not going to change.” “But it CAN, if you try.” “No, it can’t. You’ve tried. Remember how hard you worked last spring, and saw ZERO results? Why go through that again? Why couldn’t the weight you lost in Greece have stayed off?” Why? Why? Why? But! But! But!

So I come up with excuse after excuse for not visiting the gym, but I try to do some sort of meager exercise every day. It’s not going to do the trick. Have I already convinced myself that I’m going to fail? Probably.