The Holding Place

Chapter Twenty-Two

Michael…





The time is finally come for Reggie and me to leave this place. Two cabs are on their way to take us away in opposite directions. I thought that I would be happy to finally be leaving, but all I am feeling right now is melancholy. I have been sitting beside Reggie for the past twenty minutes or so waiting for our respective rides and we have said nothing to each other at all.


I have never wanted to not say good-bye to someone as much as I have Reggie. That is why we haven’t said anything to each other. These past few months spent here in this place we have helped each other more than anybody else has in the past several years. While our friendship formed within these structured we never once lent thought to our paths once we were to step back into the real world.


I know the fear that she has right now, it has been my existence for the past five years. I am walking back into a family I haven’t had in a long time and she is returning to being all alone.  I want to take her hand into mine and promise her that we can drive into the sunset together and figure out this next chapter of life together but the impossibilities of that option are glaring.


I have made a promise to my daughter that I am only moving forward and I will do nothing that will possibly set me back on my newfound but fragile path. As much as I want to save Reggie I force myself to admit that I have barely started to save myself. Norah is the most important thing in my life and I will stop and nothing to make sure that she never falls from that position again. There is a world out there big enough for both Reggie and I to make it, I’m almost sure of it.


The girl at the front desk lets us know that that our rides are finally here. We both move as slowly as we can in gathering our things. We want to prolong the inevitable. We both fail to see any good in good-bye. It takes every effort available in my body to put one foot in front of the other to make way to the door.


I hold the door open for Reggie and grab the heaviest of her bags. I let the driver know that he doesn’t have to help her load her bags, I am more than happy to do it.  There are no feelings of embarrassment between Reggie and I, I do not think such a thing is even possibly at this point, and I allow tears to form in my eyes. I take much longer than is needed to put her bags in the trunk, telling the driver that I need to make sure that they won’t be sliding around on the drive home.


Reggie extends her small hand forward to my face to wipe away one of my tears and I capture her hand gently against my cheek. It breaks my heart in half to see that the beautiful gold of her eyes are clouded by the same stinging tears. I reach with my free hand to wipe away the tears that are running down her own cheeks. We are mirroring each other.


Her bottom lip is trembling slightly. She is such a beautiful… She isn’t a girl. She is a beautiful woman. Reggie is a beautiful woman. The pang of guilt that should be stabbing into my gut is absent. I trace my fingers to the gentle points of her jaw and tilt her eyes to meet my own. My hands are guiding me, not the other way around.


I don’t even think about it. I lean forward and leave the gentlest of kisses, a caress more like it, on her soft mouth. I close my eyes, hear her give a soft gasp and let my lips linger there for just a moment. This moment is perfect. I never want it to end. There is almost something magical.


The honk of the impatient cab driver pulls me from reverie and I open my eyes. Reggie opens hers at the exact same time. We both widen in surprise at what is suddenly in front of her.


She is just as beautiful as the day I met her. She is smiling at me. I don’t think I have ever seen her look so radiant, she takes me breath away. Bright light, brighter than any sunlight is flickering softly behind her. She is holding the hand of a man I have never seen before. She is smiling up at him. When was the last time that I had seen her smile? I can almost honestly say that I don’t remember what she looks like smiling.


“Good-bye, Blaine,” Reggie whispers at the exact same time that I whisper, “Good-bye, Abby.”


They both fade away within seconds.  Reggie is holding tightly to my hand. The touch of another human being has never felt so right and I cannot imagine ever letting go.  Has Abby been with me this entire time, guiding me to this very moment? I don’t think that I will ever have an answer to that question.


All I know is that there is no going back from here.