Shouts From Down Under

One 14 year old girl's long weekend ended in tears...

Although I'm in New South Wales at the moment, in Tasmania it was a long weekend.

I was happy to see The ScaryMaster 's post about our weekend; what we did re: writing and other lifestyle news.

Sometimes we miss seeing the good side of things, but it's still there, otherwise we'd be dead. Where there's life;there's hope, they say.

Reminded me of something I wrote about that first moment of the day, when we awake, and we can choose to be positive, or the sometimes easier, somehow malignantly attractive option of depression.

STATIC

Happiness versus Depression; you choose.  (E) What would happen if we awoke to nothing but happiness? Would we grasp the meaning, then? #1939950 by Sparky

It was inspiring to read other's positive comments - their bright, cheerful outlook.
I'm sure each and every person, couple, or family have their clouds.

This weekend, my Dad returned temporarily, 7 hours drive, from undergoing radiology. He has 15 more treatments to go, but wanted to spend the weekend with Mum. They've been missing each other.

It was an emotional sight to behold when they embraced on his arrival.

They have never been the demonstrative kind; too busy with life, farming, shearing, bookwork and raising us kids.

Makes you realise what real love is, and many of us who think we have it nailed, could take a lesson from elderly people who find it unbearable to be apart.

I was very saddened today to hear the news of a 14 year old girl found after an intensive police search in steep bushland where she lived. Tragedy, however it happened and whatever the circumstances.

Tasmanian Police Facebook page -
Body located
Tragically, the body of a 14 year old girl was located at Deep Bay yesterday after an extensive search.
There are no suspicious circumstances.
Police are preparing a report for the Coroner and thank the public and the media for their assistance.
This is obviously a very distressing time for family and friends, and we ask that any comments please be considerate.

http://www.themercury.com.au/news/tasmania/teenagers-body-found-24-hours-after-g...

Something that I've noticed for a while now, is the automatic reaction of quite a few people to this sort of occurrence, on the Facebook page comments section.

Why people say some things I'll never work out.

I mean, I get that people feel sad for the parent / parents or other relatives. That goes without saying.

But some things people say are pointless and sometimes even approach being ghoulish.
In the perfect world, one person would comment something like; "We / I are so sad for your loss / the loss of ****** ********. Our thoughts are with you at this time.

Then there would be the 300 or 400 likes on that one comment. That would be ample. Really. It would mean just as much as a dreary wearisome bunch of comments of the same thing, but with all the details squeezed into the well meaning(?!) diatribe.

For crying out loud, they already know there was a mix up with one paper, reporting that the girl had been found alive. That should have only been one more comment. Just one. There were dozens.

There were other tactless, insensitive, nosey, attention seeking, gossip mongering words that would do nothing for the grieving except bring them exhaustion and a feeling of isolation.
Surely they'd be thinking Does nobody understand there is no comfort to be had? That we don't want pathetic dribble and endless rehashing of details.
Ironically, the police had requested that people keep the comments considerate and sensitive of their bereavement.

I don't know. Maybe I'm the one making a big, useless thing out of it. Maybe I'm the grumblebum and most folks just do their sorrowing and move on.
I just find some people's comments so shallow, self serving, and a display of thoughtlessness.

I feel a better way to comfort someone who has suffered terrible loss like this, is to be truthful for a start.

Just say it, carefully, but solidly how. it. is.

Then say no more, but make it known that you are there for the person, people if they ask or need. Sometimes we can so easily have our real feelings just under the surface, and it's no use hiding it. We never intend to help them or whatever. Instead of telling dreary white lies in some sort of status symbol "comfort", why not just shut up. You've shown up. That goes a long way in helping people with grief.

I've been lucky, and in some respects, am not qualified to speak about unspeakable grief and pain. That sort of loss has fallen to others.
But I have come close. I have had loss too, of a deeper sort that cannot be explained to anyone, let alone any comfort given.

Some pain has to be borne alone. Totally. I have experienced that pain.

In a small measure, I know what it is like to feel such pain, that you don't really care what people say or do. Maybe it's our bodies natural anaesthetic to cushion us from the blow.

I suppose most people have seen The Mentalist series long ago, but as per usual, I don't keep up with this sort of thing. But whoever directed or wrote these scripts hit on a grain of truth with that guy's attitude to helping the grieving.



Tell them the truth. Don't stuff around the peripherals. Especially with kids. Do them, and yourself a favour, and just. tell. them. They won't break. They'll handle it better than you think.

Then let them know that you can genuinely help them, or be there, or that you can just do some menial task for them right now. Sit down and clean their shoes. Do a load of washing. Fix lunch. Go and fill the car with petrol for them. (Gas - whatever) Even if you're a bloke, offer to do their ironing or something. Defrost the freezer. Anything. You'll soon see if they really need help or would rather you just left them alone.
If that is the case, then go straight away without the polite false chit chat.

Well, that's what I think anyway. I guess it's how I'd like to be treated.
Sometimes the worst loss is not that someone has died, but that they are still alive, but are dead to you. They don't want you, or want anything to do with you.

That is, I think, an invisible pain that has no rival.

Well, this is a long way from positive thoughts, but maybe not. It's the genuine truth as I see it, at this time. We are all in a learning curve, and I suspect that our younger generation will not inherit ours, but have to learn their own.

But grief will visit, like it has us. We can teach them now, the right attitude towards coping. We can teach them lessons about how to grieve, how to share that grief, how to treat others who want to comfort, and how to comfort others.

It needn't be complex. But it should always be the truth.

There is no comfort to be had from the untrustworthy.

I hope you truly rest in peace, Emily Peachtree.

Sparky